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letra de sloths - the red crayola

‘one day my husband – home with his wife
said, i’ve had a shock, the fright of my life
you mustn’t b-tch, you mustn’t fume
something awful is in the front room

‘what is it?’ i ask. ‘is it a mouse?
or the cat’s had a bird and strewn guts
all through the house?’

‘no’ says he. ‘it’s nothing like that
‘nothing at all to do with the cat
the room’s full of sloths, leaden, hypnotic
their lethargy soulless, the effect horrific.’
‘what?’ says i. ‘you’re mental, a looney
you’ve got a screw loose. you can’t confuse me.’

‘no,’ says he, ‘i saw them all
hanging like b-lls all over the wall
there were three toed sloths hanging upside down
their eyes ringed with darkness, just like a clown
some of them emitted plaintive wails
their long claws struck to the curtain rails.’

‘so,’ said i, ‘you should be stuffed full of drugs
with a straight jacket on to replace my hugs
there are no sloths in this country
nor anywhere else in the eec
three-toed sloths – bradypus tridactylus
live in guiana, a land quite far from this
it hangs from branches – you can’t dislodge it
it’s camoflagued with algae, you can’t even see it
the two-towed sloths – chloepus didactylus
comes from brazil – in the tropics – far off
it has no feelings, not of anger nor of fear
its congenital lethargy prevents one ever coming here

‘so my husband’ he says, ‘we’ll see about that
you watch it you witch.’ then he grabs his hat
i rushed to the phone
‘psychiatrist, come to my house
bring needles, tranquilizers, largactyl
and you’d better bring the police
my husband’s quite ill.’

‘so the police come and the shrink arrives
it’s the sort of thing on which they thrive
i tell them my husband’s mind’s out of tune
and tell them the story about the sloths in our front room’

‘so the police and the shrink look at each other
‘a phobia,’ they say, ‘- or anxiety/hysteria.’

‘now my husband comes home
(he didn’t know i’d been on the phone)
he looks at the police and the shrink
(he’s off his head – that’s what i think)
they talk to him – they start to rap
‘relax,’ they say, ‘this is no trap
did you see a room full of sloths?
hanging like b-lls all over the walls

so my husband says ‘she’s a witch
i saw nothing like that,’ (and he calls me a b-tch)
‘the story she tells is completely untrue
to know about sloths is to know what to do
she’s off her rocker, she’s a looney
she’s got a screw loose, she can’t confuse me.’

- the red crayola

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