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letra de s.t.a.l.k. - sue p. fox

i have a good date, they are nice
we’ve a lot in common
we seem to write a lot on intuition, common intuition, common interest
i have a good date, 6 months later
they support me but aren’t too clingy
they don’t fall all over me like some do
i have a good date one-year later
they are distant, which intrigues me
i have to try hard for their approval
sometimes their glance, it’s hard

i have a good date, 3 years later
they control me, i eat it up
they know so much about me
they even know stuff about me before we were dates
like how i wore my hair
and who were my ex-friends, and what books i read
my weaknesses
hey…now, oh god, i’m waking up
knowing i was stalked
each organ carefully removed
replaced with a bag of sugar trying to sweeten me up
cause’ i’m mean on the outside
slobber, grab my heart
power
they think you know something they don’t
and by taking you over, they gain meaning
meaning-ness to their life
value
we are going to covert, to the metric system
so my value is in grams
like addicted sweetness
i’m so much sugar inside of me weighed in grams
i guess i had a minor sour patch
i needed more power, sour is power ugh
they are sweetening me, my strength is going
that was how it all began
[then][?] my heart weakens, a heartbeat always out of whack
you never know where they will appear
and i went out with the obsessed
to talk about it means the effect it has, on my life
even as i crawl around my room
and my heart hurts when i open the door to any room
bathroom, bedroom, living room, dining room
never knowing
unable to convey the situation
nervous wreck
oh god i’m waking up
this is a testimonial to redeem my soul
there are times i get so stress out, i need to sleep
and i become a narcoleptic
i push my face down into a pillow at night
as i dream a bad dream of all the people i could have saved
and i see their faces as if on a huge video screen
wailing and moaning and calling out to me from h-ll
for help, but i won’t stop…causing it

one can only hope to be stalked
cause that means they mean something to someone
cause then their friends will worry and think they are special
maybe they will get carried away in their heads
and maybe their will – they will re-romanticize it
and the stalker will be your next lover after a nasty molestation-
[see][?] where you accidently get into it
but you can’t help it, it’s about obsession
we all do it in different ways
obsessed with hurting ourselves in glamourous ways
like causing stalking
but the more i find myself, the more i lose myself
my last organ, is hanging by the membrane
i’m pushing it back in but i’m so full of sugar it’s hard
this isn’t what i thought it would be
i’m discovering my power was false
i’m developing a fear of all things
i’m developing a conscious like-
not trusting yourself to ride in the back of a truck cause’ you might scoot right off
or take that brick and scr-p it along your teeth
why i did it?
to make you, love me
think i was special, specially developed
specially handicapped
my own downfall will be romanticized
i stalk the stalkers by reclaiming my soul
then the real obsession began
the sugar spilt out
and i began to stalk myself
to go, inside, and make yourself whole
mix the blood with the sugar, strong elixir to heal
i ask myself stalking the questions
questions like:
“how am i doing in my life?”
“do i like my life?”
“what is going on in my life?”
“am i happy in my life?”
“where do i wanna go with my life?”
“what is the meaning in my life?”
“can i live up to my life?”
“who gave me this life?”
“am i responsible for my life?”
“what happened to my life?”
“who said this was my life?”

i know, i’ve now given genuine meaning to my life by finding myself
i’m beginning to take care
so i stalk myself and ask the questions:
“who said this was my life?”
and then they see, the strength-the meaning
and they want it
one day…i am sitting there, and someone puts a cup before me
and i notice it is full of sugar
who said this was my life?
it’s a circle
i must have someone to be obsessed with me or i cannot exist
i need constant validation
to be stalked, makes you real
to confront that which destroys you
to face, to follow oneself and ask question long after they are gone
it was all because i wanted meaning
maybe there will be meaning in my taking
the cycle begins not in obsession of birth but death
to give my life meaning, to make it full
so it will be worth taking away, even by my own hands

(she, she, she, she licks it up)
(she, she, she, she licks it up)

- sue p fox

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