letra de camera - steven wright
next week, i’m gonna have an mri to find out whether or not i have claustrophobia
—
in school, they told me “practice makes perfect”. then they told me “n0body’s perfect”. so then i stopped practicing
—
here’s some of my answers to everyday questions:
“excuse me, sir. do you know what time it is?” “no. i’m not from around here.”
“excuse me. do you know where the train station is?” “probably near the tracks.”
—
sometimes when i’m over at someone’s house and no one’s in the kitchen, i like to write things on their to-do list they have on their refrigerator
“memorize distances to all other planets.”
“adopt babies and sell on black market.”
—
you ever notice when a house burns down, the only thing left standing is the fireplace and the chimney?
how’s that for evidence?
—
i bought a new camera. it’s very advanced. you don’t even need it
why are the pictures square if the lens is round?
—
i bought a new phone. the first thing i did was push re-dial
the phone started having a nervous breakdown. the phone was twitching like this. “i don’t have this information!”
—
i bought an ipod. it can either hold 5,000 songs or one telephone message from my mother
—
they say you’re not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. they’re right
i’m missing a wall in my kitchen
—
today, i was talking to myself. i was very polite and cordial but i could tell i was lying
under my breath, i said, “you’re full of sh-t.” then i said, “what?” then i said, “nothing.”
—
you know, if heat rises, heaven might be hotter than h-ll
—
i’m thinking of buying a plasma television in case i need a blood transfusion
that way i can mainline 150 channels right into my arm
that way they can do my autopsy via satellite
—
i have a cd burner. my fireplace
—
friend of mine is a pilot. we were gonna go somewhere in his car for absolutely no reason. he waited 45 minutes before he backed out of his driveway
—
i have another pair of pants just like these. except they’re red with green stripes and they’re shorts
—
last night, i was in a restaurant called bulimians
the line for the bathroom was incredible
letras aleatórias
- acido › letra de la reina - acido
- alex vorgos › letra de vamos a la playa - alex vorgos
- mc guizinho sp › letra de quem diria - mc guizinho sp
- sniff n the tears › letra de dead man's shoes - sniff 'n' the tears
- ico › letra de #dispaswallah 1 (big mac) - ico
- roberta dangelo › letra de un passo avanti - roberta d'angelo
- flatturn › letra de отчуждение на дне (alienation on the bottom) - flatturn
- aaron connor › letra de white gtr - aaron connor
- cb › letra de deebo - cb
- eldest 11 › letra de sojourn - eldest 11