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letra de childhood trauma og - sly jethro

gooner lifestyle

the sh-t i’ve done in my own time has left me with a twisted mind
a fathers hate is bittersweet like a watermelon rind
don’t hit your kids on the behind or they’ll be left behind every other child that gets the week of time
i only saw my momma two measly times a week
restraining order hit harder than my knee upon the street
when i had to skate to lowes to get a jug of water to split between us 3
my hair was long as willow trees when my father made me cut it i began to weep
my ig page has seen the most of me
when i was younger i would steal his girlfriends rosaries and sold em so i could smoke some weed
funding has always been irregular to me
consistency as easy to catch as snowflakes on the piece of meat in between your t–th
am i stuck to the pole or is it stuck to me
my graduation was filled with a bunch of wannabes
had the lurk hard on my mask in covid times i kept the edibles in my backpack
no cross contamination like chicken on the royal farms freezer rack
i’ve had so many jobs but what i needed was a sack
flipped h-lla packs in the bmw then i crashed
the volvo was midnight black the cams blew up like some spoiled milk inside a camelback
odds against me
my microphone been through h-ll and back
imma k!lla what’s ya zodiac
friends last long as bookbag straps
less u use em more they snap back hit me on the snapchat
if you need the pack rats i ran outta gas zack
snap snap cuz n-ggas don’t listen
most men are narcissistic or misogynistic
i promise shawdy this smoke is not from no incense
don’t talk over me there’s always opportunity to be bigger
i’ll never be a house n-gga but i stay in my house n-gga
i eat white woman p-ssy and get a queasy liver
in school i was so different that everybody snickered
i thought it was with but it was at i needed to see the bigger picture
my room ain’t full of my childlike glimmer depression and isolation do sh-t like make you huff paint thinner
or ask the plug if he wanna hang later
i got more plugs than real n-ggas
more situationships than real sisters
i didn’t wanna be my dad but when the moneys low i steal his liquor
anything to be inebriated it’s better than being sad and bitter sober
over and over i plucked four leaf clovers out the earth and wished for more quarters
i’m only good with coins cuz heavy metals always been in my mothers corner
n-ggas don’t know what it’s like to open the mail to a court order
my mama was a h–rder but i had more than enough room to get my sh-t in order
i live in filth and disarray cuz it’s it feels warmer
used to put the heater under the covers to keep from shivering now i put the heater under the cover to keep from shivering
social anxiety goes away when you got xanax and a gun
used to chew the pills for fun but switched to shrooms that grow under the sun
i do the internal work and i pray so do my sons
i never prayed too much but when i did i was met with nothing
j hate jehovas witnesses i wish somebody witnessed all my suffering
my daddy left me for dead and the pain was smothering
beer battered

keep the icehouse in my mouth
i’m my fathers child rotten apple clogging up the spout
i need green like the giving tree or my mother to live with me
fighting every day to stand on my two feet
my third leg is inactive
mind static from blowing through the cabbage
my hamster bites me tho i love him
he’s a f-ckin savage
the life i lead is sporadic and oh so dramatic
chastised by those around me like i’m roger rabbit
my face never fills picture frames my family didn’t photographed it
in middle school i held up the traffic
skating through the hallways cuz i stole somebody’s h-lly jacket
i wish i wasn’t centered in the dmv
for my birthday i got a bnb
stole that n-ggas weed then he showed up on my homie street
if he came to me he would’ve been under some feet
i used to take taekwondo every day of the week
ms vicky had the bubble b-tt i hit her with a knuckle punch when sparring
i used to fight so often now a scuffle is somewhat alarming
my tail not wrapped in between my knees i’m too high to care about what you think of me
i need to quit the weed and every miniature screen
catch me in the land of ice chilling in a field of green
young beerkid in my house with the lights out i won’t pout if i don’t get my way
my inner child isn’t healed at all but imma start today
f-ck minimum wage i trap to stay sane
hit the dispo to break even like a brick of caine
the sh-t i had to do for money isn’t funny
left my nose runny and my belly hungry
my daddy never even tell me that he f-ckin love me
when i get mad my face gets real ugly
spend centuries in my domain
bawling my eyes out perpetually insane
therapy a good investment but so is mary jane
my therapist was never on my side the kush has kept me straight
my sister doesn’t respect my choices cuz i’m fat from straight
how you side with a n-gga that hurts me but keeps you paid
my mama lost 80,000 just the other day
money is so f-cking fake
truth be told my will to live is at the bottom of that cosca lake
tried to drown myself came out cold runny nose and shakin
n0body tried to stop me i miss my neighbor mr. whalen
the apartment was amazing but my mother couldn’t make the payments
darby and kimchi in a house with white assailants or underneath the dirt and pavement
i wonder what happened to the kids i used to play with
penny board

could never trust police i can’t even trust my own thoughts
i’m the cod caught in the fish net inkjet printer toner lights on
the led is green like 4th compartment keef bowl ignited and scalding like a fresh paint job
the x3 mean and navy clean the color match the sh-t above the trees
my limbs look similar to parmesan cheese
shredded up but i don’t say when
put the oil color olive in my wax pen
shouts to my men i’m a server now gotta get my voice loud as the sh-t under the chin of a cow
i need some blue curaçao
and some jameson
make a irish clean then i wipe my screen i just hit some parts off a 20/20 i got from my n-gga c
change the syllable don’t need to see police to flee
my fleece covered in cheese but not the kind from ozone underneath
spray some ozium on my t–th i forgot to buy toothpaste again this week
my boss can’t catch me smelling like that thc
i’m a boy no barnacle with friends like chronical all our superpowers are different mental illness
i turned into the villain rippin limbs from off the spider kids
f-ck spider-man my n-gga got the viper d-ck
leave your head wrapped in a cloud like spotify blend or iron to chin
shout out to the people who can’t feed their kids
stuffy sinuses from snorting all the percocets that’s laced with fent
i pray i don’t have twins
need my kids to think for them
self harm ain’t a answer it’s a ugly friend
my sister mad because a n-gga coped by hitting spliff
that’s just the way i lived if u hate it u should dip
and don’t come back
i’m sick of talking back to all these fat family cats claiming a n-gga can’t rap
as a career hating n-ggas for being queer
finna open up my 3rd eye and get away from here
i look through foreheads visual contact makes people live in fear
of a 55 n-gga who don’t sip beer but dip 55 nuggets in his ear
sucking on the blunt like a babe to a deer
my mother was bambi my father was hunting deer
left me in the log

f-ckin’ black fathers

my father left me in the log a n-gga stuck rolling clogs but i ain’t talking bout no lederhosen
don’t leave your b-ttons flowin my cleaver will cut you open
n-ggas don’t know what it’s like to sleep out in the open could never reach the ocean
blue water i’m tryna see bubby in stormalong harbor
i got the clippers not tryna alarm ya but i’m not dr. barber i keep that sh-t up on me like a f-ckin farmer
sowing the weed then i reap it the reaper wanna come peep this
pearled the f-ck out the dutch i haven’t had a home cooked meal in 84.057 months
it was so many bugs in our rugs we wasn’t snug we had to snuggle up to keep warm enough to love
n-ggas was more down bad than an apocalyptic beetle bug
sometimes a young black man just needs a fathers hug
but the next best thing is a blunt that’s stuffed
my finsta only got the n-ggas on it that i truly trust
been there for me way more than my father ever was
if u forget the rotation in the car pass it front
or the left
my sister say my junkie ass needs to repent
she’s the serpent i’m the apple sauce
johnny rouse died in my hands i heard her final cough
some trauma that you have leaves you very deeply scarred
scratch a key deep in the mahogany coffin
that hit your thighs and sleeves unreasonably often
therapists leave you feeling r-t-rded
police just leave you outsmarted
don’t know the whole story still tell you that you started it
respect your father maybe i should stick his bald head in a jar of boiling water
f-ckin black fathers
them n-ggas got no empathy
gettin treated like the girl in the movie penelope
them n-ggas not gon remember me
when i’m up as f-ck the only way to reach me will be through tv screen u watch on your death bed wishing that you decided to help me
instead of turning your cheeks away from me and ignoring the words that i speak
would talk sh-t about my homeless mama but at least she was there for me
more than my father ever was that’s just how it was
sometimes a n-gga need some love
sh-t
ain’t have a place to lay my head but found a way to get some f-ckin drugs
was doin drugs underneath the roof where my mama was
a n-gga used to suck
d-mn
my auntie died
my auntie died then my other auntie died
that sh-t made me cry then i couldn’t cry
i had to lie
i didn’t understand it at the time but it’s the circle of f-ckin life
you ain’t got a choice your hands are tied
lung cancer and diabetes took so many of mine
you’ll return to what you once was before you came out the tree of life
you’re listening to an unhealed childs trife

- sly jethro

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