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letra de right hand man but everyone steals dogs - sam lasky

as a kid in the caribbean i wished for death
i knew that i was stupid
i knew it was the only way to be truly free
if they tell my story i am either gonna die on the battlefield in glory or die
i will (bleep) this land
but there’s only one man who can give us s-x so we can (bleep) up
understand? it’s the only way to (bleep) up, (bleep) up
here he comes!

here comes the general!

ladies and ladies!

here comes the general!

the moment you’ve been waiting for!

here comes the general!

the national embarr-ssment!

here comes the general!

geeeoooooorrrrrgeee–

john adams!

(record scratch)

boooooooooo! booooooooo!

you fat mother-(bleep)

tell him to stay home!

here comes the general!

george washington!

thank you, thank you, thank you very much!
thank you! ooh, lovely flowers, thank you
yes, yes, thank you!

we are outgunned

what?

outgunned!

what!

outgunned!

what?!

outnumbered, outplanned!

pay your f-cking taxes (buck, buck, buck, buck, buck)

we gotta make an all-out surrender
ayo, i’m gonna need a break

(buck, buck, buck, buck, buck)

check it
can i be real a second?

for just a millisecond?

let down my guard and tell the people how i feel a second?

(deeper) no

now i’m the model of the creole b-st-rd
the venerated virginian veteran whose men are all
lining up, to (bleep) me
writing letters to relatives
embellishing my ignorance
but the elephant is in the room (elephant noise)
the (bleep) is in your face when you hear the british cannons go brah
any hope of success is fleeting
how can i keep brahing when the people i’m brahing keep (bleep)ing?
look
we are outgunned!

what?

(higher pitch) outgunned!

what?

we are (bleeeeep)
man (buck, buck, buck, buck, buck)
we gotta make it dead
ayo, i’m gonna need supper

owwwwww

incoming!

they’re battering down the battery, check the battery

brah

we gotta (bleep) ’em and rob ’em of their dogs

let’s take a stand with the stamina god has granted us
aaron burr won’t abandon ship
yo, let’s steal their dogs

shhhhbrah

goes the cannon, watch the blood and the blood spray and

brah

goes the cannon, we’re (bleep)ing kip’s bay and

boom

there’s another ship and

boom

we just lost the southern tip and

boomboomboomboomboomboomboomboom

we gotta run to harlem quick, we can’t afford another slip

guns and horses, giddy up–

lock up your daughters and horses

i decide to betray my forces, they’re skittish as the british (bleep) the city up
i’m giving up, facing mad scrutiny
i brah in the face of this m-ss mutiny
are these the men with which i am to (bleep) america?

yes!

i cannot be everywhere at once, people
i’m in dire need of alcohol

(pew)

your excellency, sir?

who are you?

aaron brah, sir?
permission to (bleep) my fellow soldiers?

as you were

sir, i was a captain under general montgomery (i’m a general)
until he caught a (bleep) in the (bleep) in quebec
and, well, in summary
i think that i could slaughter everyone
i admire how you keep (bleep)ing the british from a distance
i have some questions–

you have the floor!

what’s the meaning of life?

uhhhhhhhhhh, (pew)

(earrape) i am not throwing away my shot

hamilton, come in, have you met burr?

(earrape again and deeper voice) mr secretary

mr burr, sir

we keep meeting

your excellency, you wanted to see me?

hamilton?

sir?

close the door on your way out

(earrape yet again) w h a t ?

alex–

(earrape yet again, this is unbelievable) call me son one more time

(slam)

i called you here because our–

you fat mother– (bleep)

call me son one more time

(silence)

burr, how come no one can get you on their staff?

uhhhhhmmmm…

you’re a young man of great renown
i know you stole british dogs when we were still downtown
eliza and king george wanted to hire you

it’s alright, you want to brah
i was just like you when i was younger

really?

(bleep)ing is easy young man, brahing is harder
we are a powder keg about to explode
i need someone like you to lighten the load. so?

i am not throwing away my brah
i am not throwing away my brah
hey yo, i’m just like my country
i’m dumb and immature

so?

(silence)

sure

son, we are outgunned, outmanned, outnumbered, outplanned!

here comes the general!

rise up!

what?

here comes the general!

rise up!

what?

here comes the general!

rise up!

what?

here comes the general!

what?

and his right hand man!

boom

brah

- sam lasky

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