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letra de suicidal thoughts iii/last voicemail - rojelio capone

[hook] x4
i’ve been feelin suicidal lately
-feelin like feelin like

[v1]
f-ck duh world been stressed out
-not blessed out
-my life has been a mess sprout by jealousy doubt..
-i can refrain myself anothuh second from the f-ckin’ trigguh..
let the heat loose-let my f-ckin’ brains simmuh…
i’m hopeless-can’t cope dis truth dat i perceive
-my believement in getting the big cheese been no achievement
-and life uh frequent-b-tch i’ve known that since inception
-but on my momma wish my momma tookuh contracеption chico
-donchu f-ckin’ love me god
-i’ve been pеggin’ round dat question
-guessin’ i’ve been back to my regressin’
-no second guessin’-blessins’
-ain’t evuh come my way-so k!llin’ my soul today would be just oh f-ckin’ kay
-i’m worthless-what’s my purpose
-nothin’
-ain’t no bluffin’-ain’t even go to college or try some education somethin’
-bout me-got me doubt me-myself and i-cry daily
-let me die lord go ahead and f-ckin’ slay me

[hook] x4
i’ve been feelin suicidal lately
-feelin like feelin like

-static-

-whistling-

(voicemail beep)

“today is january 3rd, 2022…and i’d like to say that this is my final message at this time…
on january 5th, i will leave this h-ll for good…
and even though it will sadden those who i knew
i ask you to please not cry. please…
this whole time i’ve been hiding my issues so you guys would never have to worry
there was only so long before the pain caught up…and that pain hurt my heart for the last sixteen years…
…and if i could tell you everything at once
then i would still be here…
i beg of you guys to never lose hope in what you wish to accomplish in life…never…lose hope
see…when grandma passed away
my breaking point hit and i couldn’t take it anymore
i cried for so long because i was too late to see her in time…
i spent so much time at work that i should have spent more time with those i loved..
…but i was nothing more than a failure…a failure of a grandson…a son to my mother…a husband…and a failure to my sister…i failed…. i f-cking failed!
(weeping) i couldn’t do a single god d-mn thing right…and i just wanna know why? does god hate me so much that he let me live this way? it’s f-cking bullsh-t…ever since i graduated high school, i thought sh-t would be set for me and life would be made clear, but reality is often a lie. i sat everyday in that trailer wondering if i’d ever be able to get back home to a woman i loved-who never loved me to begin with…cause when momma moved me to that trailer, i knew this wasn’t my life that i wanted. the need for love fueled my addiction and moving into that trailer made me feel abandoned. i was watching as others around me were growing and going off to college..living lives rich in human hopes and dreams…meanwhile i felt as if i disappointed my mother by turning out to be nothing…n0body…and i felt betrayed because even my sister were falling out daily…i was twenty years old, waking up and going to work everyday and watching as my dreams went by…doing nothing…nothing at all…it felt as if life was an endless cycle of suffering so i could make the rest of the world happy…but where was my happiness? drowning in a life of abandonment…drowning in thoughts of self hatred…drowning, seeking affection from a woman who i can’t see…200 miles away…drowning in my own thoughts, asking myself, when will i get out of this h-ll? so i was trapped and i knew i wouldn’t ever get out…staring at my bedroom walls, hearing them whispering to me at night…these walls told me how i could live happy…and these walls told me they understood my pain within…so i looked at these walls, looking for answers…and that’s when i realized… (magnum cl!ck) this h-ll is not a home…(gun shot)

- rojelio capone

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