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letra de psychotic: a short story - rocky phase

i have this recording on my phone that i keep on playing
it’s a voice note of you
you were saying you will never love again
see the irony is, you disregarding all the trends
& you focus on the moments you treasured
& it’s funny you forget that the pain is forever
it hurts that we are severed
i’ve saved up on the heartfelt i captured
i gave up on breathing
i hoped that my feelings don’t feed like a vulture

we are born so that one day we die
so i feel like i’m not in control & it’s not about the choices
don’t trust how you function
my friendship with destiny said i should play out my part
but in doing so, i ended up playing with your heart
you knew i was bad from the start
coz i’ve a lot of things i don’t talk about
stayed out of my feelings, trying to keep the love around
& though i had fallen out of love i had stayed
coz people made it seem you were hard to love
they will never understand you
so trust me there is nothing wrong with you
we were just different i couldn’t be the right one
my feelings weren’t true
so i did what any dog could have done
i asked out your friend and you found out
i said i don’t love you, i love her
i’m sorry!
fast forward to a couple weeks
and i haven’t really heard from you
so i’m guessing that you’re healing and you’re doing fine
i still do care but i don’t want to call
coz i don’t want to make it worse
i just want to make it hurt less
so i decide to take a walk
there is a place we used to go to if we trying to be alone
coz my thoughts are getting loud, see i feel guilt
now i’m thinking i should reach out
scared to open wounds
it will probably hurt more if the stitch’s out
but i don’t want to let go, i don’t want to peace out
i lost myself in the person i pretend to be
& my mother told me
‘love is one soul that’s connected by two people’
so i like the other you that’s inside of me
i should have listened when you told me to stay
but then again, to you it wasn’t fair
your conscious might be or might not be clear
you’d look at me and know that my heart’s not here
but now it’s just a memory that should have played different
and it ended up a thought
so there i stood when i heard someone coming
i turned and i see you in your mom’s car driving straight at me
i’m on the ground, & everything spin around
i feel pain and i’m confused
then you come out, look at me and say
‘wherever now we are, just know that
you are the one that did this
come around and see how i’ve changed
well you’re the one that made me
turn into a monster, i wish you haven’t met me.’
then she help me sit upright, then she smiles
take a knife out and she put it in my chest

it’s getting dark and my eyes are getting heavy
i try to pull the knife out, i see my blood everywhere
and it hurts when i breathe
this is where i wake up if supposedly i’m dreaming
but this is really happening. & my phone starts ringing
i can hear that it’s close but i fail at the distance to reach for it
because my legs are broken and i can’t move
i see that you’re standing, laughing at my misery
and saying ‘be the man young n-gga
pick the phone up i’d like to see you try
i dared you to cross me, i want to see you lie for the last time’
so i stretch out my hand in hopes that i’d reach for it
but she come around, pick it up, punch me in the face
my nose starts bleeding, i know by the second
i’m really getting close to my death but i ignore the will
& i hear you shouting at the person on the other end saying
‘if i can’t have him, no one will!’
then she put the phone to my ear
telling me to speak ‘they probably want to hear your voice.’
so i scream ‘help!’
and she takes the knife out, puts it back in
then she tells me ‘you had it coming this was a choice
you could have chosen different but see what you made me do
i have snapped! & everything you are going through
i felt it when you told me that you didn’t love me anymore
& all my friends told me i should let you go
but you were all i ever thought about
you could have stayed but all you wanted was to leave
and i knew i couldn’t force it
though i needed you as much as life needed me to breathe
& it’s ironic, i had to put a knife in your chest
now your lungs are giving up, satisfied
i’d say the odds are even now and eventually we all die
i know you will wait for me in h-ll
i know you will count on whatever it takes for me to fail
well there’s something i should tell
i hear these voices in my head saying if you love somebody
you should k!ll k!ll k!ll!
i am psychotic and it is all because of you
so don’t wound what you can’t k!ll’
go to h-ll! ‘where do you think i came from
i’m the devil in a rare form.’
your hearts cold!
‘blame it on the air con!’
i’m running out of breath, my lungs are collapsing
i drown in my blood & as i drift in the goodnight
i remember the recording on my phone that i keep on playing
its a voice note i had sent
‘if you’re hearing this, then i guess it’s too late for me now
i couldn’t cry for help, there was never hope for me now
i know the frustration must be k!lling ryt
never should you stress about your life
at the end of it, you are never getting out of it alive
everybody fades
i was loved, i was cared for
i lived a happy life
and even though i never did love you back
i was there for you
remember that!

- rocky phase

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