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letra de beauty for ashes - phinix

[phinix:]
i don’t wanna walk down this road
fog and dust cast a fear unknown
a groan explodes as my grief implodes
my heart got pierced by a love withdrawn
tell me you love me just one more time
see the amount of pain in that previous line
don’t tell me you understand it, just let me be
til my siblings and i can find that sweet harmony

i saw peace and joy
you were at peace and were filled with so much joy
you came and we noticed that you got a new phone
samsung galaxies could’t come close to that mode of technology
i must amit, we lost touch a few days before you got your phone
mine had issues at the time and i remember alex told me you called home
you were gonna cook right after work right?
funny how life works…strange winds blew you out of sight but not out of mind

you gifted us with your presence and that in itself redefined elegance
you gifted me with wisdom that saw me through my adolescence
october 2017 a month that gave us pure happiness
luji and kuki’s wedding, a union that made us happy, yes
i wanted to have a show right before you left the country just so that you could see what i’ve become
but it couldn’t happen.. so we agreed when we both said next time.. another time
but where’s another time?
i’ve become a watchman, looking at different watches in search of another time..

good morning, you’re welcome. let’s work on timing from now on
that was your last message to me
men aren’t supposed to cry
i believed that lie
so i stored up the hurt
drunk off my pain but no whiskey could swiftly get rid of the hurt
sad music is just sad music, that’s my conclusion
that song, how could you leave us didn’t offer me a solution
i check my phone every now and then hoping that its not reality
you’re like poetry, obviously, i just wanted you to be proud of me

every tear in my eye could testify, how i denied, how i asked why
how i feared for the day i would lose you
the day you would lose me
so i did all i could to make sure it never happened;
i prayed for you just as you did for me
because you were love and i was loved
i find comfort in not wishing i said i love you because i did..
but i couldn’t stop the lord from getting you a phone and a new number
hence, you didn’t know who was calling when you picked up his call
i lost too many close people and i was afraid of losing more so i just let go

who hid the keys?
who has the keys?
what prison is she in?
please, i need to see her, tell me, what are the visiting hours?
who is this cardiac?
mr. officer why are you quiet?
all my life i have kept myself from crime cause i feared and hated prisons
i was told cardiac arrested her
the gel in your hair got me aware of a jail that imprisoned her
a kiss repealed, please refill my hope and say “peace be still”
all this pain is deep and real, can you feel my archilles heel?

your heart is what i loved the most about you
and it happened to be the organ that left many an orphan
you weren’t supposed to leave..wait..you weren’t supposed to leave..yet
god, where are you?
don’t make me question your existence
help me not lose faith where are you?

my heart bleeds red
my soul concedes dread
pain is in bed, it’s embedded, i feel next to dead
you’re in control even if we can’t see it
but all this got me asking, where are you?
this burden is too heavy, where are you?
i need you..

then you said to me;
“bupe, you lived in a castle of broken promises
you never owned the premises, last time i checked, you were renting
but who have you been letting spit that deceit in your system?
your window pane got cracked prisms
that freed you from gl-ss prisons
now fleeting rhythm is your repeating reason from your drifting seasons
you have drifted away from me
but no one ever succesfully dealt with grief alone, lonely
when jesus felt alone on the cross, he covered all your hopelessness
the sorrow of the past is past, i tell you there is hope
no need to hang onto those tears, no need to envelope them
come to me
let me heal you..”

but i said there would be no need to heal me if you kept this pain here from me
and he said, “there would no here if my son didn’t go through pain for you
have you forgotten?
when my son hang on a tree from transgressions he didn’t commit
have you forgotten?
how an all powerful god withheld his emotion from altering with purpose
if i did it, you should too.”

so now, i too have chosen to
comforter here’s my heart, please do what you want to do
i thank you god for giving us the opportunity to feel your love through a human
a woman that was after your heart, humble and true
it’s times like this i know that this world is but a temporary home
i used to be alone, pain reigned for long, but it’s time to be dethroned
see, god moulds us in different ways, though painful still i give you praise
console those who mourn in zion, give them beauty for ashes
the oil of joy for mourning
the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness
that they may be called trees of righteousness
the planting of the lord that he may be glorified

well ma’ your children are grown
elijah, christina aiden are growing too..
alex and luji just keep on pushing, doing what men do
i’m proud of who martina is becoming, we owe that much to you
trusting emmanuel and joseph, in no time, will follow through
your sisters have been strong for us only by god have they been able to
dust to dust, ashes to ashes, you will rise in new beauty, mum, we love you..

- phinix

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