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letra de august night - mark kozelek

this song is labelled, song 8
i remember us playing this piece of music on a february day
and now in front of me, i’m looking at a blank page
i showed up with nothing but fearlessness
it took me 45 years to build up that kind of confidence
and i’m sure as i can hear fogh-rns, that it’ll be something

my brother’s sleeping in the other room
he doesn’t read a lot, he just likes watching the tube
he’s been watching some comedians since 2 o’clock in the afternoon
i took a bath and tried to relax and i love the sound of my brothеr’s laugh
though the comedian made good points, i got sick of thе comedian’s voice
his high pitch, and the pace at which he delivered
somebody’s favorite comedian isn’t for everybody, wouldn’t you say?
don’t matter who it is, i can’t listen to netflix comedy specials all day

i got out of the tub and i got dressed
i asked him, “have you seen the movie alpha dog?”
and he said, “no”, so we watched that one next
justin timberlake, sharon stone, fernando vargas, sharon in the mental hospital
this is her most mournful scene that i’ve ever seen
she’s wailing on the screen with her heavily medicated face
how can you not feel her pain?
playing the bereaved mother whose son was buried in las padres
kidnapped and k!lled over $1000
and i’m in san francisco on this august night, and my brother just left
and like i always do when he left, i wept
god, i miss my brother, maybe that’s why daniel has always been one of my favorite elton john songs
because when my brother leaves on a plane, oh, i miss him so much

i thought about how many times we’d walk past the golden dragon restaurant
talking about the massacre there in 1977
you were 9, and i was 10
we remember so many dark things that were on the news back then
three channels was all that we had, kung fu
turn the channel, 900 dead bodies in guyana on channel 2

i love the piano i’m hearing right now
the shuffle of the drums, restrained, subtle, pa-pow
and that’s me in the background singing the falsetto notes
that’s no church choir, those are no angels, that’s me opening up and letting go

i remember luke wilson telling me what a film set was
“if you’re gonna show up, show up”
i said, “you mean, if i show up and complain later that my performance was lackl-ster that i could be cut or sh-t out of luck?”
he said, “that’s right, brother”, or maybe he said, “buster”
i said, “i get it, but if i’m great at what i do, and i don’t do a great time this time around
i’ll get more chances to blow people’s minds down the line, right?”
he said, “look, all i’m saying is, if you’re gonna show up, show up”
and i thought to myself, who do i think i am anyhow, marlon brando?
i gotta do my best now, not gripe about how good i could’ve been a year ago
i never did end up with a part on that set with luke wilson
but i learned from luke, and what the heck, for that guy, i got a lot of respect
i remember seeing mahavishnu orchestra when i was a kid
every guy in that crowd looked like john mclaughlin
mahavishnu were blowing every one of those dude’s mine, including mine
mahavishnu showed up, billy cobham? holy f-ck
jonas h-llborg, are you kidding me?
i thought, this is pretty cool
but when i grow up and play concerts, i hope there’s a few girls there
i hope there’s more variety in the crowd
a room full of guys who look like john mclaughlin and talk about mesa boogie amps doesn’t sound like a whole lot of fun

now i’m somewhere else listening to the eucalyptus trees shaking on a windy day
the top of the blue bay has turned turbulent white
a gray, cream-lined barge just parked in the dark
all the big white ones taking off, faster than anyone could imagine a thing that heavy could move
i remember running to take a photo of one and i barely got the shot

i move around a lot, you gotta move your body
you gotta have a plan unless you want to get all moody broody
sitting around the house doing nothing when you got two good arms, a leg and a leg is deteriorating and diminishing like a perry como 8-track tape

this music sounds pretty to my ears
listening to you type sounds pretty
listening to you clip your fingernails sounds pretty
the train whistle from across the water sounds pretty
the vultures sitting in the trees look pretty
even their droppings on the cement sidewalk look pretty
the turkeys scurrying across the ground are so pretty
if you’re sitting around moody broody, thinking, this or that sucks
well, ford might say, “it’s been a while since you got your feathers plucked”

now it’s night time and i hear the singing crickets
shawn porter’s fighting at the staples center in los angeles next month, and i got tickets
complimentary tickets from fox sports for my shoutouts to deceased boxers
shawn’s from ohio, so i’ll be representing, and taking my girlfriend out for lobsters

i’m not bragging, i’m just saying i’ve come a long way from rust belt ohio
my most tender memory of my mother is her taking me out to dinner once at red lobster
i love my mother, my god, i love my mother
i flew the coop, i had to get out of there to make the living i’ve made, my brother
but it don’t mean i don’t have bountiful, endless love for my mother

this is it, the big picture
everything feels right in this moment, like perfect, sweet kisses
i’m at chapter 15 in a book of bones
the dead woman is mysteriously found in a freezer named adrianne r. pone
i’m flipping between that and black spring
henry miller says that relieving one’s bladder is one of the great pleasures in life, and with that, i agree
at my age, there’s a lot of peeing, and i never thought too much about it before really
but a simple joy and relief it is to pee

what’s not to like in life when you’re a wordsmith as good as me?
when the music is as beautiful as what i’m hearing?
when my bay window looks out on the pacific ocean?

nathan, do you think this album has gone over 80 minutes?

i gotta check, but it’s gotta be close to 79

this record’s done, i’ve made enough double cds
there are a few outtakes, as usual, but for this one, the universe told me to leave them be

august 19th, 2019, i shriveled up when there was a knock on my door
i opened it, and they handed me a picture of jesus
i flipped it over, and it said, “the church of jesus christ of latter day saints”
i said, “hey, this ain’t my cup of tea, but you came to my door to talk with me
i know all about the angel moroni, joseph smith and the golden plates
but you came here to talk with me, i respect that
you’re brave, you showed up”

- mark kozelek

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