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letra de had an ass like gold - jonathan something

in my day, i used to be a sinner
but now i eat that sh-t for dinner
yes i used to be a wild case but now my penchant for the strange
is a-w-o-l and he owes me money!

do you know joan? she’s a bank teller
she gets it on with this husky feller
i seen them the other day down by the ymca
they were necking in the parking lot, tangled up like a couple wrestling bunnies
yes i seen them the other day down by the ymca
they were necking in the parking lot, tangled up like an 18 dollar pretzel
yes they were

last monday night i met this wizard
he said, “love your mama or you’ll d-mn sure miss her”
well i kissed that wizard too, and his eyes read “howdy do!”
then they popped right out his head like he was bugs bunny

here at the fine, fine arts museum
we got arts so small you could hardly see ‘em
i overheard hannibal lector talking to the art director
saying “did you know edgar degas had 11 toes and painted with raw honey?”
“no he didn’t”
“yeah, i know. i was just being funny”

how are you mary lou?
or any hoo, long as you’re not blue
i was just talking to your daddy bout his 67 caddy
this girl she’s seen everything from lbj to the nights of hanky panky

i got this woman, she’s half insane
does a mean impression of michael caine
oh and when she quotes get carter i swear it doesn’t get much harder
i’ve never had an 80 year old british man turn me on quite like she does
and she does

if there’s one thing that i know
it’s that jesus christ had an ass like gold
when the band would play his song he’d jump right up on the drum
and shake that moneymaker like he was mick jagger
when the band would play his song he’d jump right up on the drum
and he’d do the wah watusi and the funky chicken
when the band would play his song he’d jump right up on the drum
and he’d shake what his mamma gave him like he’d d-mn well lose it
when the band would play his song he’d jump right up on the drum
and he’d get so godd-mn gone he’d forget he’s jesus

- jonathan something

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