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letra de bodies in the rent-a-car (interlude) - jonathan hay & mike smith

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thank you for calling, this is michael. do you have an club number

hi michael, no it’s my first time and i need a car with a big trunk

a big trunk, alright. so our full sized car will fit about five pieces of luggage. will that be good?

five pieces – what size of luggage, ugh

just an average sized piece of luggage

because i know that the type of measurements i’m accustomed to in determining – would two human bodies fit into that trunk?

hahaha! wait, it depends on how

for measurement purposes

big the people

i’m sorry?

yeah it depends on how big the people are

okay, okay. one’s big. anyway, um okay so what type of ahatchback do you have with that type of trunk?

let’s see, what’s the location you’ll be renting from?

i’m going to rent from los angeles and i’m going to drive to new york city

and drop it off in new york?

umm… what would, say for instance if something happened to the car – well, yeah i’ll drop it off. i’ll drop the car off in new york, yeah

so any idea of the dates?

uh, i wanna leave tonight because i need to – uh i need to um, i need to leave tonight and i need to uh –

okay

it’s gonna take me three days to get to new york and another day to um – it will take me four days

okay so tonight, now we’re open twenty four seven in lax. what time do you want to get there tonight?

uh i’d like to get there at ten thirty tonight. ten thirty pm if possible

alright so ten thirty

now what type of – this trunk, now what type of car is this?

well a full sized car will be like say the impalas and dodge chargers, some camry’s

oh no shed the impala. i don’t want anything suspicious because then i’ll get caught. i’d like the – what about the camry? how much is that?

for the camry that’s uh – the full sized car, let me get the price on that. first i’ll need to know what the location in new york you wanna drop the vehicle off at

uh laguardia airport

okay laguardia… they’re also twenty four seven so four days and then you’ll bring it back by ten thirty on the eleventh. would that work?

uh, i think that would work

okay

i need to consult you on something very private and i need to ask you to make sure i’m making the right decision. now sounds like you found the car i need, with the trunk size i need. now, this trunk um, does it have sealing where you can’t – is it’s sealed you can’t smell anything when you’re standing outside?

you’re starting to ask a question sir that just can’t get into. if you wanna talk to a supervisor about the rental, i’d be happy to connect you over to one

why you can’t – why can’t you get into that?

well, you’re talking about putting bodies in the trunk and the smell from the outside

who said i was putting bodies in the trunk? i asked for measurement purposes. it’s okay

and then for smell

it’s okay young man. you can be comfortable. it’s not like that okay?

okay, hahaha

you thought that i k!lled somebody and want to take them to new york in a rental car?

no, i was starting to wonder if it was a prank call though. i just want to make sure

you’re pretty f-cking smart, i’ll give you that. so what about the smell? can they detect it or not?

i would not know that. you might get in touch with the branch directly, hey know all the particulars to what vehicles they currently have in their fleet there

listen, i caught this guy f-cking around with my wife so what i did was justified. i need to know that i’m not going to get caught so i’m being straight with you. are they gonna smell the bodies or not if i get pulled over? that’s all i need to know. you can transfer me to your supervisor after but i need an answer from you

i do not know the answer to that, i’m sorry

have you ever had anyone rent a car and transport dead bodies? have you had experience there? yes or no?

i have no experience whatsoever. no, sir

so this will be your first honour badge for doing this because i’m going to get away because of karma. i did the right thing! i promise you. your name is michael?

yes sir

michael, i did the right thing. what would you do if you came home and some guy had his p-n-s enthralled in your wife, wiggling it around, wiggling it around, wiggling it around, wiggling it around. what would you do michael? tell me

sir i’m going to ask you to hold for a second. i’m going to get you to one of my supervisors. would you mind holding for a moment please?

if you have me on hold for too long i’m going to ship these motherf-ckers in us mail

sir i have nicky on the line for you. she’ll be -ssisting you from this point

thank you michael, you were a great help. hi, nicky?

hi my name’s nicky. i’m with escalations desk, how are you?

good! i’m absolutely terrific, how about yourself?

i’m fine. were you looking to pick up a car at lax, is that correct?

yeah, did michael give you the details?

um he said lax and you wanna do a one way rental. what day were you looking to rent?

okay like i’ll just sum it up so we won’t have to waste time. i need a car with a big trunk. he told me about the camry and i need to fit two bodies in there, and i need to make sure that it is smell proof. that’s it. it’s pretty simple

sir, we cannot guarantee anything like that

okay so have you ever had anyone transport dead bodies in a rental car before? as far as having experience and knowing if they’re smell proof or not

np, i haven’t had that experience

you sure? or did they just not tell you because trust me. people do it all the time

um you wanna contact the police department to see if they can -ssist you with that

oh no, they’re looking for me. they can’t find me. um, so what’s the process as far as me getting that car tonight and getting to new york?

okay, let’s see here

i have my credit card, um now with that said, do i pay you everything upfront along with a deposit or since it’s a credit card, do you just hold on to it until i bring it back?

it would be held on to

okay, okay, okay, okay. have you ever been – have you ever been cheated on before?

i’m sorry sir, that’s a personal question. would you like me to continue with your rental?

absolutely, i wanna book it but what i’m doing, i’m trying to explain to you why i k!lled them, okay? because i was justified and i am not a criminal. do you believe me when i tell you i’m not a criminal, yes or no?

sir, i’m not here to judge. if you’d like to rent a car, i can -ssist you

they say only the lord can judge. that’s what i’m talking about. i need to get these d-mn bodies out of california. let’s do it. let’s rent it. you want my card? you ready for it?

sir at this point i’m gonna have to disconnect the call. i cannot continue under these circ-mstances

you said you weren’t gonna judge me. you’re telling me that because i k!lled two people

[call disconnected] that were messing with my life, that you have to disconnect the call

[produced by jonathan hay and king tech

- jonathan hay mike smith

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