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letra de that one night - james bogucheski

the only thing that kept me from deleting my youtube channel and email accounts in serious shame was the fact that i didn’t want to lose the movies and songs i had previously bought which cost a sh-t ton of money
it could’ve ended right then and there
like seriously what’s the point?
times like that when i ponder what is going on, the walls start closing in and it really feels like i want to disappear
could i really have been so wrong about what i wanted in life?
was karma really such a thing? was i destined to fade?
sometimes life does more than just force us to calm down
sometimes it makes me feel like it’s my fault for even coming here in the first place. like it’s telling me “you chose me dude, i sure as h-ll didn’t choose you…”
and i have to lay my head down and tell myself to close my own eyes. ok. life goes on i guess…
everything in it’s core was really fine
it was my obsession with wanting to be more or have more that created the discomfort which told me there was something missing
the dramatizations i was used to seeing had become the norm and truth, but they were merely the shadow puppets dancing, telling a story to entertain away boredom. there was literally not a thing to worry about. everything was fine. i didn’t need to be some roboticist, or a gamer, or a singer, or anything really
there was nothing in existence worried about what it was that i thought i wanted. absolutely nothing at all
needing to be anything other than alive and well is so unrealistic
maybe it was too much to ask to join the live …
maybe it was too much to even expect to know that many people when really i could’ve been living fine knowing less than 10 people
who’s to say that that’s what happiness was?
what what was?
is it?
or is it not?

- james bogucheski

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