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letra de jargon nonsense - holden stephan roy

[intro]
d-mn this is different
what in the world does any of this mean
all these letters, everyone just expects
you to know, and i don’t, so i feel stupid
like i want to scream, like this language
is being used as a means to screen
well forget that, i’ma translate it
so you know what i mean

[verse]
a cta is a call to action
a catchy phrase for an interaction
to increase that ctr, cl!ck to claim
that cl!ck-through-rate measures
how many move to the next part
i mean page, metrics like that roi
can divide, return on investment
over ux and words like design
user experience is linked to ui
but user interface is optimized
so that aro increases a bottom line
basically, the average revenue per order
is more important, so get that copy
down to a boiler plate, that’s the words
on display in a regular template
and more importantly, get it done by eod
and end of day is 5 o’clock
they need it in ppc, pay-per-cl!ck
marketing uses the google machine
to match words that are keyed
to well placed ads that you see
search engines are optimized
on that seo guidance, so that yoy
the letters, i wasn’t crying
so that year over year
the churn rate is refined
that’s how many people unsubscribe
saas is the model of the future
i dunno who decided but
software as a service provides
an affordable means to get by
the payments multiply
way less than a license lasting for a lifetime
but you can afford the newest device
the mvp launch is the trendy cool way
to drive development cycles
a minimum viable product goes live
and companies map out improvements over time
you see gamers ranting like
a wireframe’s the forgotten kpi
when game’s are released unfinished
their main design ususally
wasn’t structurally mapped out
and instead of tired lies
make it a key performance indicator
a thing that measures success clearly defined
let’s discuss a roadmap
a clear map of what’s to come
so we all understand
projects are groups of tasks
tasks are things to accomplish at hand
stories are a sequence of projects
to elaborate on a plan
low hanging fruit are quick and easy tasks
with big impact, that means measurable
results without much effort, in fact
do that a bunch of times
and your nps will get jacked
the net promoter score
is who would recommend you to their clan
tasks will often have deliverables attached
deliverables are the work you deliver
completing the task
and agile’s a way of doing the right tasks, fast
to increase your impact
based on the okrs, which stand
objectives and key results
this is top-level managing
objectives are the vision
what you want to accomplish with the plan
key results are the kpis
always numerical, objectively brands
if the objective was met, failed or outstanding
my least favourite term is when they call for a deck
which is a dorky way
of saying slides for a presentation

ayo we got a part 2 jargon nonsense coming
until then i’m out

- holden stephan roy

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