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letra de this is why you shouldn't be an artist - fond memory vacation

[spoken word]
today i recorded a song
that i’ve been meaning to record for a while now
i’ve been putting it off not because of the song’s subject matter
or lyrics
or because the chords are hard
if anything the chords are really easy
it’s just that
i’ve been so depressed and anxious to the point where i don’t want to leave my bed
i literally do nothing besides watch tv, listen to music, and play video games

and now that i finally get to record my song after so many days of procrastination
i begin to experiеnce performance anxiеty
doing a million and one takes
because i’m so obsessive and compulsive
and then satisfying for the first takes thinking they’re not that bad
but then i second guess everything
from here on out it’s smooth sailing cause the biggest thing on the song which is the rhythm guitar is done
but man
i’ve been practicing this song for a while now
i know it like the back of my hand
i even performed it live
yet when i press that record b-tton
i lose myself completely
this happens all the time when i’m recording
and i’m completely aware of what it is that i’m gonna do but
i press record and i get the shakes
and makes me more pr-ne to f-cking up the take
so what’s the point of this
well
i’m a perfectionist
i didn’t just realize this
i’ve been aware of this fact for a while
it’s both a blessing and a curse
a blessing because you’re more hardworking and love working on little tiny details and micromanaging
but a curse because it can be a burden and you’re always weirdly unsatisfied with everything you make or do
my friend tells me that one day someone will notice the effort i put into my art and admire it
but i have a hard time believing that
considering it’s all tiny details
that the general public doesn’t have an eye, and an ear for
or won’t notice
it’s so difficult to be an artist
but nevertheless here i am still
i’m anxious typing this right now
i’m looking for advice on how to cope with studio anxiety and this one idea caught my eye

record a throwaway track
telling yourself that you’re not gonna use the track and it’s just mere practice so whatever happens happens
but if it turns out for the better, that’s great
this is kinda what happened today

am i done now?
my heart tells me i’m done
but my brain says i’m not
please help me

- fond memory vacation

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