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letra de flowers on my skin - everything persists

i haven’t

i see now that i’ve learned to stay really busy
to distract myself from myself
but when i do stop for a moment
and kind of let the facade drop
i’m not sure i like what i see
i really do wonder what my 8 year old self would think
i don’t think i have as many answers
as i thought i would at this stage in life
or maybe i got some answers
and now i just have more questions
and sometimes what was working before
it stops working
and it feels like i’m starting from zero all over again
maybe that’s what it means to grow up

to admit that you are clueless about somethings
about most things the whole time
n0body wants to say it but i will
i do still fear what other people will say about me
i want to be loved
and it’s easy to say i don’t care
or it doesn’t affect me
but it does i do care
i think we all care
i think we’re social creatures
and this is built into us
i don’t think any of us want to be alone
but it can feel like that sometimes
i’m just trying to remind myself
that it’s okay to not be okay all the time
we are complex and i’m not sure even a full lifetime
is enough time to figure everything out about ourselves
i think i’m learning how not even try to fix the situation or myself
because there’s nothing to be fixed
and just accept that i’m doing my best
that i get to choose how i look at things

- everything persists

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