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letra de absorb my identity (stifled ep version) - el has

[chorus 1]
“look at this guy! he thinks there’s something wrong with the world!
“he’s clinically r-t-rded though, so everything he says is bullsh-t!
“he has the nerve to want other people to be happy!
“he’s a cannibal! a psychopath! maniacal! unhinged!!
“and he’s sh-t at writing lyrics too-”
shut the f-ck up! i was on a ridiculous time limit for this!
the amount of stress this has caused me is unfathomable!!

[verse 1]
feel first, act later
but the feelings are getting weaker
it won’t be long until they’re yet again gone
despite what i’ve seen, apparently that’s not normal
i tried to incite change to remove your limitations
having bullsh-t like this out there would ruin it all
if i accept what i know you call r-t-rdation
it’ll absorb my identity and discredit all i’ve said!!

[prechorus 1]
you don’t realise it’s ok to be wrong
do you know how infuriating it is to be stripped of my choice!?
the one incentive you tried to give me to ‘prove i do have it’
was to let you f-cking use me for your acts of fraud!!
the same reason to send me to reset wh0re conversion therapy twice
if i’d stuck with it someone would’ve died!!!
[chorus 2]
you used this to completely break my f-cking spirit
demotivating your own son, leading to your demise!!
how d’you expect him to think there’s nothing wrong with his brain
when it’s reason for him to die in society’s eyes!?
in the ‘mindset’ of the emotionless norm
you have no right to be upset if you have a neurodivergence
look at yourselves, excluding anyone different!
normal people don’t have ‘normal’ on their lists of feelings

[verse 2]
so when someone showed me compassion with no bullsh-t attached
the effect it had was profound to say the least
i could talk to her about this without hating anything
whereas the bird-pulling masses drive me to retch!
they actually think inciting hatred in me is helpful! (that includes you!!)
any trivial trait of mine, “uuuu, let this r-t-rd die!!”
the same person said autists have the best relationships
bullsh-t!!! we can’t f-cking talk!!!!

[prechorus 2]
everything just slows down and yet it speeds up
important things happen and i never notice (neither do you!!)
move onteh’ next topic—i’m getting reet bored, pal
you wanna get something done for once? well too f-cking bad!
how is knowing supposed to help me in any way?!
i will not be a tool to drive your number up!
every single thing that’s supposed to be good for me in this regard
has been disincentivised by the way you view your son!
the one whose name was chosen by you!!
[chorus 3]
you compared me to uncontrollable cannibalistic beasts
you try to exploit everyone you know for your legally-sanctioned benefit
did you not know that would lead to f-cking murder!!?!
wait, of course you f-cking didn’t! this came out first!!
another time-wasting college makes it impossible to do what i can
you keep from me the one thing i need to drive your number up
the only good thing i got from there was feeling normal once!!
that was from a student and now she’s gone!! now she’s gone!!!

[outro a]
but maybe it won’t be so bad if this turns out to be true and i accept it
she did say i don’t have to tell anyone
but the absorption happens beyond our control!

[outro b]
i don’t want to do this to prove you right
she said i don’t have to tell anyone—i wish i could believe her
why do people say this doesn’t make a difference?!
for everyone who has it, it’s absorbed their identity!

[outro c]
you only ever explain things months after i need to know
whereas i f-cking cited my sources then and there!!
these lyrics are scatterbrained because you’re always there trying to dox me
every single time i f-cking talk!!
i don’t want to make this an excuse to let the world die
you destroyed my credibility already by erasing the problem
so if i get branded clinically r-t-rded, it’ll drop below zero!!!
oh, but at least in my f-cked up head, it’ll be alright
while i use what you’ve taught me
and completely ignore the looming threat of dropping numbers!
this song has been ruined by time limits

- el has

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