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letra de roast yourself challenge - caspar lee

[intro: caspar lee]
hi, my name is caspar lee
and this roast is lit
don’t laugh

[verse 1: caspar lee & conor maynard]
hey there, caspar richard george lee is my name
better known as zoella’s brother’s ex-roommate
talk about how sh-t i am, i can do it all day
but i can’t because i don’t know how to rap
or rhyme
or say the words in time
that’s why i got my friends to help me write out every line
we’re not his friends
haha, oh there they go again
and everywhere i go, i got wifi on my head
but at least when i wake up, gigi hadid is in my bed
no she’s not
well she will be when we’re finally wed
she got a restraining order
shut the f-ck up
my head’s like a pineapple and my back is wonky
and people like my mother way more than they like me
she’s f-cking hot
i know she is but i don’t give a f-ck
and every comment that i get is, “where is joe sugg?”
and if we were not best friends i would lose all of my subs
and then the only sub i’d have is when i wanted grub
from subway
friday, friday, i tweet every friday
you would think rebecca black has got me by my guy place
little do they know i only do it for the retweets
it’s the only thing that makes me feel like people need me
he’s really insecure
i am verified on tinder
but my only match is a girl named linda
finally got the courage so i asked her out for dinner
then she went and asked me how much money i could send her
so i did
i sent a million
then suddenly her tinder profile went and disappeared
i don’t know where she is
i don’t know where she lives
if anybody has some information they can give
please call in here

[interlude: caspar lee & conor maynard]
please
she was my everything
jesus, are you alright mate?
i’m fine, i’m fine

[verse 2: caspar lee & conor maynard]
i don’t give a d-mn
i’m the f-ckin’ man
even kevin hart follows me on instagram
no he doesn’t
yes he does
check your phone
i thought you already knew
i’m sorry you had to find out this way

[verse 3: conor maynard]
by the way
i’m only here ’cause i’m getting paid
and caspar thinks it’ll get him laid
but no one wants to jump on that grenade
no
oh sh-t, i just got a text from linda
she’s telling me caspar’s money gon’ be in her
bank account, can’t believe he sent it over tinder
now i can’t wait to see where we go for dinner

- caspar lee

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