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letra de después - ascidzz

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[intro: ascidzz]
do you know what your name means?
as if i wasn’t born with it
i know it’s different
what kind of parent names their own child a preposition?

one with melanin they always reaching too far
name their kid anything like a new car

it’s usually women naming them things to give them value
mercedes and bentley, then wonder why they’re stuck on valium
repeating the cycle of their environment around them
hold up, let me turn up the volume

[verse]

july 5th, my father was born
any day’s an excuse for two h-rny teens to get on each other
and make poor decisions

no condom, ’cause raw p-ssy feels warm
and of course we know all the consequences
after miscarriage and abortion, not to mention the abuse from back home
need to relieve the residual tension

until that day momma told him she’s pregnant she ain’t getting rid of this one
and of course you could see his contention

haverford-bound at sixteen, had his life planned out
my grandmother took him in after his wife found out
he wasn’t being taken care of in his own d-mn house
she made sure she gave him food any time he’s around

they clearly saw all the potential in this bright young child
they knew that he would go above with his bright white smile
he and my mother fell in love they were tight like siblings
and then they conceived me and his life panned out

[chorus]
do you know what your name means?

do you know what your name means?

[verse]
my father rapped a lot as a teen
made a little group with nieem
went by genesis
grew up baptist christian

what an interesting combo, it seems
so you can see for him a meaning’s essential
in soph0m-re year, he was learning spanish, when he picked up his pencil
and he wrote the word después on the sheet

he thought it looked s-xxxy
this is what my first son’s name’s gonna be
and then i came

at first he didn’t want me, wasn’t part of his dream until much later
but like i said momma wasn’t aborting again
march 20th in 99 they were fortunate, i was born and my father was born again

después the next chapter was your son and a friend
you’re like a book. telling me things i could not comprehend
but i would get it when i grew up and then i’d understand
but in the meantime, we’re talking and you’re holding my hand

a year later my first brother was born, things were changing extremely
you and momma were arguing frequently, even when she was pregnant
and eating chips like chicken was weakening
he was born on june 6th, but you ain’t get to see him

you fought twenty two cops tryna see him one evening
all the fighting got so bad you were forced to leave me
and my brothers on bridge street. guarantee i was weeping
but i’d never lose contact

[chorus]

[verse]
swear to god all momma does is feed me and beat me
my brothers see how she treats me and they follow completely
now he tells you lose his number and you ain’t even speaking
and my momma who once wanted me and wanted to keep me

doesn’t have me. wrote so many d-mn songs to keep me in check
but she thought the better way was to beat me

now i’m sitting here putting together this ep
and it’s about me

all about my internal battles and my struggle to see
that i am great. or at least that’s what my father preaches
and as much as i give a f-ck about all the things he sees in me
this is one place i just can’t yet agree

at times i can concede that i make something that can conquer the seas
sometimes i separate the forest from the squadron of trees
but father i just can’t ignore all of the spots that i need to improve
a perfectionist i don’t think my job is complete

but at least i know my objective, but don’t know what it means
how come when i get around people it seems my energy isn’t welcome
i wish to help them even when they hurt me
how come i just don’t give a f-ck about a godd-mn thing?

how come i just like to get drunk and write about my pain?
how come instead of giving up i stay in my own lane?
how come i’m always fixing stuff but then it somehow breaks?
how i’m not addicted to drugs is in-godd-mn-sane

i understand now
you were so gifted and full of promise as a d-mn child
your arms twisted by different women, threw the plan out
so much energy was expended, almost ran out

war missions and lost children, a broken heart
but at least you’ve always remained consistent because you stand out
and you made me. but father, i’m a man now
got my own plans on this land now, this the best dad, put your motherf-cking hands down

so here i am young and fruitful, this may not be what you’re used to but i don’t care
i’m unique ’cause i grew to be

i’m this man’s child. and that’s d-mn wild. and i don’t plan on letting anyone take my plan down
someday i’ll introduce a beautiful grandchild and i’ll be in the run for best pop

my job is to break the cycle of this fam down
and i’ll be d-mned if one of these lil’ industry muhf-ckas try to take away my d-mn smile

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