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letra de abu$e - yxng maz

it all started when my parents split
moved onto different paths and sh-t
different lives cause what was meant to work was not working at this time
having to visit every other weekend
and each time we did i had to defend, my life
from the constant abuse mentally and physically
that i received day and night
forcing me to feel like im worthless
like whats the point in living
i was beaten to the point where i couldn’t breathe
tears rolling down my face as i dropped to my knees
to try and regain stamina but i never felt at ease
cause everytime i looked in his eyes i could see
the anger that was built up all for no reason
took it out on me cause i was an easy victim
almost as if he was hooked on the pain he gave to me like its addictive
i never felt so restricted in my own d-mn home
unable to text or call as i stared blankly at my phone
i needed help yet i couldn’t seem to ask for any
cause the fear filling my mind had me feeling heavy
i wasn’t ready for it but the only thing that i could think about
was the end of my life, cause its either i took his
or he took mine and thats just how i feel inside

the week p-ssed and we were back again
little did he know i had been practicing
it started out calm then it all built up
as he shouted out in rage and then picked me up
threw me across the hall, thats when i hit my head
as i regained consciousness i lifted myself up to see how much
i had bled, taken to the hospital where i was then
st-tched up with medical grade thread

“how did it happen”

i couldn’t get the words out, knowing if i did it would be over
but physically couldn’t say a word this sh-t was so absurd
why couldn’t i let myself escape this pain, had me to the point
where i thought the only way out was to create slits in my veins
my dad spoke up

“he caught his foot and tripped, matter of fact he might have slipped”

no way was he going to mention the fact he threw me
he didn’t wanna raise any attention
he looked me straight in the eyes until he filled my mind
with the thought of when we got home i was going to die
so as i sat there strapped to all these machines i began to cry
as he whispered

“dont worry its all going to be alright”

followed by a smile that came from his sinister mind
the words that he spoke were all lies
the training i’d been doing didn’t pay off
physically i could of fought
but mentally i was at war
not with him but with myself
a fight between me and my mental health

the whole journey home i had to listen to his screams
but he also thanked me for not saying a thing
i suddenly built up the courage and began to swing
non stop violence as he was driving
i was sat there just thriving
off the feeling
a bit of payback and the thought filled my mind
why dont you just k!ll him
so i grabbed the wheel out of rage
turned it 90 degrees to the left and look him right in the face
straight for the wall we were aimed
i flung open my door
and fell to the floor
as i watched the car until it wasn’t visible anymore
i let out a sudden cry
why had i let myself go through this for 5 years of my life
still i continued to cry
the truth is i dont think i will ever be a dad
just incase i ended up being like this guy

- yxng maz

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