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letra de demons underneath - yomishious

[intro – yomishious – woman crying]
hey doc, i haven’t spoken to anyone
i tried to get through, i made some calls
and then i… i came over…i rushed
i just want her to get through

(gl-ss smashing – table smashing – woman crying)

[part i – yomishious]
how can i plough through the pain and suffering and start anew now?
all that i went through with her:
cutting herself, pushing me away and running me into the ground
i heard that sound, the screams of your pain
how many times do i gotta wrestle you to put the knife down?
then i’m getting a migraine, from having to maintain the situation
my spare time consists of shameless meltdowns
(how many times i gotta tell you that life’s like a countdown?)

tick, tick, tock
you are a timebomb
cl!ck, cl!ck, blow
i’m doing all i can to be calm

but i’m putting my foot down
i guess i’m dealing with napalm
i’m nervous and shivering
here, feel my palm

i’m sewing the st-tches, you’re growing new branches
i really, really wanna understand why you chase death like this
as though you’re migrating to a new homeland
but i won’t let you do this
i’m not leaving you in the ditches
i’ll rescue you like superman
admit that you’re my lois
please come back to me and i’ll promise i’ll show you how great life is when it launches
fly above the forest to show you just how much more there is
beyond sp-ces that bring your claustrophobia out
give it a clout round the back of the head
come back to me and break the bread
gimme the answer, i’ll be your encourager
darkness needs a knockout to bring bright firecrackers to life
and we shout:
we love each other
so please stop hiding out in yourself and tell me how i can help you overpower this
we’ll build the bridges over the gaps
see how we can fix this
we need to get better at mending
your life puts breeze to the fire and maybe, just maybe we can freeze it
we’ve had our losses
missed our kisses
you’ve tried to drive me away, but i won’t leave broke pieces on the floor
a new door can open

even if you’re insecure or unsure
it can’t get worse than it already is
i’m sticking around cause i still adore
you may be in a deep depression but i won’t close the drawer on you

still holding out hope
every other week having to stop her from tying a rope
nope
i can’t deal with this sh-t
but i can’t leave when i’ve seen the scope of this sh-t
she’s become too mentally insane
she’s driving me away
what the f-ck
is that cocaine on the table?

funny how things work out
tried to get her into rehab but a couple years later it’d be actually me who got grabbed by the hand of blackout
this sh-t is spanning on for too long
need the hand of god to help me place the blocks
i guess the reason i went to the pills and alcohol was self-castigation
not doing enough
giving myself self-condemnation
finding out her bombsh-ll reason
that brings deep anxiety for not seeing her cell inside her sunken fallen self months earlier
i’ve done all i can, but now she wants me to leave
but i know she don’t mean it
even though she looks angry
she’s crying and her body looks tense
in her mind i think she’s sadly tryna say:
“thank you, but i don’t wanna bring you down too”

[part ii – yomishious]
what else can i do but revert to the studio?
cause the only way i can make the realities of this aglow to the mainstream world is to add some rhymes to fit the flow
cause the realities are real
she’s on this narrow path
and i can’t comprehend what she’s dealing with psychologically
but i know that her seconds are nearing to zero
i’ve never said this but victory featuring feelo was based on this gloomin shadow of a situation that i tried to get rid of
but slowly pops up again with some more ammo

everyday it rained i looked out the window wondering if she had a rainbow overhead
i guess i’m worrying whether or not she’s still alive and breathing
cause she blocked my number, facebook and my twitter
but i created new accounts to do messaging and sending to her
i sent her this one article about kate machugh overcoming this frowning face of death that was gaining on her life
i need her to open up to me
i need show her that there’s no shame in admitting you’re harming
[x4]

this isn’t just alarming
it’s not just scaring you
both of us are sharing these feelings of been unwanted
but we gotta keep moving as yesterday has faded

we probably can’t ever have what we used to have between us
back when therapy was working
and you finally stopped cutting
but i wanna help you change
i’m anxious to hear back from you
i’m sitting on the floor with my smartphone on the table
i got a blanket round my arms and i’m leaning on the couch
and i’m conscious of what’s going on
i got a fuzzy feeling in me as if i know you’re still in crisis
with what’s been going on with you
i think you’re faithless
did you only push me away because you wanted me to come back?
i don’t know
but i already know that there’s some sort of blackness in you
probably messing up your eating
messing up your thinking
maybe like last time you’ll end up going delusional and abuse me, and hit me
til i shout that
“you’re a f-cking b-tch and i did everything i could for you
everything”

the one time i broke made me remember that you’re helpless
and now i think i’m doing it again while i’m thinking on the carpet
i know jesus ain’t gonna help build up the courage to walk out the door to go to your house
and tell you for the fourth time that i promise that i’ll help you
but by the time i make it to your doorstep i’ll be in a f-cking wreck
pout and crying
can’t even catch me breath
hallucinations and fixations in case you hit death
love is bitter sweet and i remember that
and i guess that’s why i always run back to this circle always wacked out

i never wanted it to end
i tried to make this ruler bend
i tend to fend off any demon that comes and tried to knock down our door
this blanket’s not even making me warm
i’m freezing
and you did all this before christmas
and i’m worrying
yeah
that doesn’t do much does it?
but i won’t lie that i’m tired of scurrying back and forth
when non of us are completely sold on this
it’s exhausting
not quite a facade but in the end we both parted ways unwillingly
and knowingly knew that one of us would come back and not be departed for long
but this mess is a rubix
still choose it
struggling to matches fuses
truth is, i love you and you love me
so what are we doing?
the earth is crumbling at our feet and we’re losing
this battle, but it’s not news
we just don’t have to keep fighting each other
we can travel somewhere distant
where there’s only me and you
they say air’s the distance, and maybe they’re right
so maybe the distance doesn’t matter
if we’re both back together

- yomishious

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