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letra de the ten commandments (as told by god to marvin) - william finn

[miss goldberg, spoken]
the ten commandments (as told by god to marvin)

number one:

[marvin, spoken]
if thou art a woman and a gentleman comes to rough you up, why don’t you first tell him what you like?

[miss goldberg, spoken]
oh for pete’s sake! number two:

[marvin, spoken]
when you tell your future wife about a little something in your past, something maybe a little private and personal—

[miss goldberg, spoken]
maybe a little sordid

[marvin, spoken]
which we don’t have to go into here, but you know what i’m talking about and when you, say… tell her this… thing ab- ab- ab-

[miss goldberg, spoken]
—and these are the ten commandments handed down by god?

[marvin, spoken]
she’ll say, “oh it doesn’t matter. [?] big deal”
[miss goldberg, spoken]
is that ever cr-p? really. number three:

[marvin, spoken]
never let your relatives know you’re having marital problems. they will use this as an excuse to cut down on the size of their gifts

[miss goldberg as marvin’s relative, spoken]
why should i set her up in a bachelor pad?

[marvin, spoken]
you’re absolutely right

[miss goldberg as marvin’s relative, spoken]
am i wrong or am i right?

[marvin, spoken]
you’re exactly right

[miss goldberg as marvin’s relative, spoken]
i’ll keep the blender for myself

[marvin, spoken]
why didn’t you tell me i needed a blender?

[miss goldberg, spoken]
four:
[marvin, spoken]
if thou art a man and findeth thyself wanting other men, do not talk this over with thy sympathetic sister, because she may feel compelled to show her love for you by telling others who also love you, and you will have… a very difficult thanksgiving

[miss goldberg, spoken]
five:

[marvin, spoken]
a good place to find a man is the camping section at [?]

[miss goldberg, spoken]
six:

[marvin, spoken]
here are some questions men don’t have to ask other men when things are going well: “were you in the war?”, “do you want me at your grandfathers funeral?”, “how many times have you seen the fantastics [?]”

[miss goldberg, spoken]
seven:

[marvin, spoken]
that happens

[whizzer, spoken]
the fantastics three four, and five maybe?

[miss goldberg, spoken]
number eight:
[marvin, spoken]
if thou happens to see thy lover in a hand painted tie with white flamingos and thou sayest, “never saw this little [?] before and he replies “hey guy, i’ve had this old thing forever!” well then either he got into your grandfathers closet after the funeral or, uh, someone’s in the kitchen with whizzer

[miss goldberg, spoken]
number eight

[marvin, spoken]
if a woman tells you, “it’s none of your business who i marry.” and you say, “i care about you, that makes it my business.” and she says, “all you ever cared about was yourself.” and you say, brilliantly, “you’re one to talk.” and she says, “i can say what i want in my own house.” and you say, “apartment, not a house, you never get it right!” you can pretty safely conclude, apartment, that there’s not much left

[miss goldberg, spoken]
nine:

[marvin, spoken]
even women have feelings

[men, spoken]
petty, petty, petty!

[marvin, spoken]
it’s not petty

[miss goldberg, spoken]
ten:

[marvin, spoken]
do not beat up on your former wife

- william finn

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