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letra de ghost - tony tillman

i got skeletons in my closet
cadavers and what you call its
from memories like soliloquies i wrote in my heart
i got burdens that i been toting
giants that ain’t awoken or wounded
please forgive me while i open this scar
it was me and my cousin tyrone, donovan, west and don
hoodlums gettin converted was not the norm where we from
only dudes from the jungle pursuin god at this young
we shared a similar past so naturally we formed a bond
don was a little older, he was married to tina
music made them a couple, he rapped and she was a singer
you seen em you woulda thought “can’t n0body come in between em”
no marital beef, at least you ain’t see it in they demeanor
we became like a family in everything that we did
they spot was like second home, we was always over they crib
watched movies and ate together, did alphabet with they kids
the mission was be a unit, community was for real
plus don was producing music with jonathan for some youth
then donovan used to spit but we never gave it pursuit
tyrone figured we should collab and we formulated a group
using frooty loops and kool-aid at the dining room was the booth
we started makin songs and preformin at local churches
and doin worship helped us get better at writin verses
we took it pretty serious, believin it had a purpose
but we could see that don started changin under the surface, mane
that’s when he started duckin calls and missin church
stopped coming round for weeks and he just blamed it on his work
and i ain’t doubt his claim cause i ain’t wanna be a lame
so i just let him do his thing until it started getting worse
i figured i should visit on the way to house
i used to struggle too, i know he’s probably having some doubts
so when the service was complete i grabbed my jacket and bounced
drove up elm street and showed up to his house unannounced
it was cool though, i did this all the time, he ain’t mind
i ain’t come to preach a sermon, i’m just makin sure he fine
that’s the homie! i walked up to his door and i knocked
took a minute then i heard somebody twistin the lock
it was tina who opened up i said “what’s up, ay how you been?”
she said “we doin good” then gave a artificial grin
she said don in the room and as we walked through the den
she turned around and told me “tone, you need to talk to your friend”
and by the look in her eyes
i could tell it was serious but i replied “why” caused i was kinda caught by surprise
she just told me ask him, but i knew that was futile cause don wasn’t the type to let you inside
cause of his pride
i dapped him up and told him hate to wake you from your sleep
but had to come and see why we ain’t seen you in a couple weeks
said he been workin doubles and his hours done increased
and would have called and got up with us but his schedule been beast
i said it’s cool, listen, i ain’t tyring to be your priest
but tina told me holla at you like y’all been having some beef
and if you need release you got a confidant in me
you know i love you like a brother, you ain’t gotta be discrete
what’s happenin? he said “it’s nothing g, trust me”
i asked him was sure, he said “it’s nothing g, trust me”
a little back and forth, stompin out and slammin doors
placin blame and actin lame but it ain’t nothin worth discussin
said yeah he probably right, ain’t no need for me to quiz him
plus what i’m supposed to do? sit em down and give em wisdom?
they both older than me, they been christian for some years, i been a christian for some months, what advice am i gon give em?
i thought she probably trippin bruh and i just moved on
and started giving him ideas for some cool songs
we talked about production and some other non-essentials
then i grabbed my keys, said bye to tina, left and cruised home
two days later i’m pumpin gas at a day & night
some random person rolled up on me on a mountain bike
said” i just heard one of your friends probably go to the pen for life
last night he took a knife out the kitchen & k!lled his wife”
it throwed me back
didn’t know who told him that
but figured that was wrong cause my circle tight as a cul-de-sac
said people call him d or something, he don’t know, just know he rapped
and did some stuff with me, we was a crew he was a older cat
i was confused cause none of my patnaz go for that
walked away like whatever and dismissed at as some humor
or a mix-up
and it sucks
but this is common in these small towns in arkansas somebody always startin rumors
so i just left the store and headed to the cut
looked up and saw a truck behind me trying to flag me down
pulled over to the corner of clifton and spring ave
he left his truck and said “what’s up, you heard the word that’s going round?
heard the police looking for your partna, ain’t n0body seen him
he in deep shhhhh and i ain’t talkin bout no misdemeanors”
i laughed it off and tried to go he said “what you don’t know?
word on the street is last night your partna don k!lled tina”
but i was in denial
looked up and didn’t smile
cause i done heard some rumors but this one was pretty foul
and traveled pretty fast, second time within a mile
but still i played it down cause entertaining rumors ain’t my style
but deep inside my gut i knew that something was wrong
took out my cell and hit him up, but he ain’t answer the phone
so i headed to his crib cause i was sure this wasn’t real
pulled up and saw the police tape surroundin his home
called my cousin tyrone, like cuz, answer the phone
heard him pick up and say what’s up but i could tell by his tone
it wasn’t right, i asked if don and tina had a fight
he paused a few seconds and then he tole me was tina was gone
said he was still getting the facts but it was true she was deceased
some time last night don k!lled her in her sleep
said the pastor of the church went by and found her in a sheet
we hung up, and i just cried in the middle of the street
it’s crazy, it messed me up it was hard to believe it (believe it)
even now it’s still hard to believe it (believe it)
my heart sank into my gut, couldn’t move i was stuck thinkin why couldn’t i see it?
sometimes i blame myself for it, kinda feel like it was my fault in the end
cause the last time we spoke was a couple days ago when she unlocked the screen door and told me “talk to your friend”
and i can’t manage to escape, the thought she might be here today
if i never walked away
my life ain’t been the same since the day it all changed
i often wonder in my brain if i could’ve changed her fate, (mane)
(mane) it hit me really close, cause we were really close
feels like i’m running from a ghost that still haunt me to this day

- tony tillman

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