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letra de joy interrupted - time

i didn’t remember those memories they remembered me
grief bends time i felt nothing in that december freeze
i’m interested in amplification and transmission
radio static seance i listen for loved ones who have transitioned
my cat under the covers giving a static periwinkle firework show that’s joy
i broke my phone and watched bacchus k!ll apollo that’s joy
i saw a blue heron it remindеd me to breathe and find patiеnce that’s joy
the crickets chant like monks a crow sh-t on me that’s joy
i’m a product of hot cheetos, top ramen, and sprite
i grew up on high fructose corn syrup preservative delight
what are wrinkles but mortality’s tattoos?
interrupted it rained commas we fight in hyphens and bad news
we used to make art, we used to laugh in shop class
now we learn how to hide and dress wounds from shotgun blasts
why mourn for the cocoon after the b-tterfly has flown?
what if silence isn’t an absence but a vessel to get home?
footsteps in the sand get washed by my seashore mind
our dna looks like an hourglass are we running out of time?

i sing joy even when it’s out of tune
i sing joy even when it’s out of tune
i sing joy even when it’s out of tune

[carla joy]
the only emotions welcomed in my home were calm and happy
so i buried the rest beneath the scars
but scars are like cracks and some made their way to the surface
desiring to be together, these feeling friends gathered like a constellation out of formation, whispering, “dance” —

grief remained at the hinges sending a wave of shivers across my bodymind while anger and rage arrived first to the dance floor, and without warning
like a mother whose kid was murdered by cops

not so invisible, more like a bomb

pain

my tears took cover behind the calm exterior while intuition budded up with anger and rage, slam dancing they sang
“in collaborative motion we begin to heal”

time brought anxiety and excitement together into a lifelong push and pull, whiplashing me between being a wallflower and a dancing queen

beneath the battle cry to heal, i found refuge with my invisible friend

they were sharp—cutting new paths each time they arrived at my heart
remaining invisible so i could play

i named this saboteur joy

joy knew that to become whole
we needed to move beyond dis-eased
we had to unfreeze
so, while calm walked the edges of the battle-terrain
deep below in the subterranean, and holding hands with depression, joy invited me into their sacred multidimensional places

past the broken dance floor were animated rose scented realms

.pain free

.adult-abuse-free

joy interrupted the captive terror as depression passed me a rose flowing with tears

‘welcome to melancholy joy.’

then outside of blueness, heart’s interrupting joy reached my bodymind by transmitting vital messages from ancestors who spoke from heart’s dna, remembering and holding on with grief
desires awakening — pulsating love

pit a pat
pit a pat
pit a pat

sang out-of-tune-joy, as they took a th-rn from depressions rose cutting through the subterrain, pirouetting towards calm, clasping hands on the frontlines as burial beats joined with my heart, harmonizing emotions and igniting the dance that brought me to you

- time

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