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letra de wintersick / oldest child (reprise) - the thought

[intro 1]
just got off work, i’m just tryna make it home
just put in work, i’m just tryna take the throne
covered in dirt, tired of spending nights alone
can’t quench this thirst, just a dog without a bone

d-mn my head hurt, i’m just tryna smoke a bowl
i can’t get turnt, i ain’t tryna bite a flow
as my pipe burns, i could cop another o
but i just work, sift through thoughts to find some gold

my bones still hurt, outside’s young but inside old
got home, f-ck work, came inside from out the cold

[verse 1]
it’s winter, warm yourself with splinters of this sinner
inner melancholy as i grow my roots beneath these cinders
never a winner, but a grip of ties keeps me unhindered
i ain’t got no game, but i’m steady staying up on tinder

i might be lame, but the talents i profess ain’t fiction
grab a homie, sit ’em down, play food for thought and beg they listen
half the time y’all missin’ the point of how these words are pistons
move the vehicular rhythm, storytelling is the mission
i flirt with kissin’ the ground, every day which i’m still livin’
just a matter of time ’til i k!ll myself or make a k!llin’
sick of wishes, sick of blisters, sick of bills and sick of itchin’
life been throwing shade, she said:
“you better catch what i’ve been pitchin’!”
…i didn’t

[interlude]
“yo thought!”
what
“quit b-tchin’!”
what?
“i said, quit your b-tchin’!”
my bad…

[intro 2]
and so begins the story of what, pray tell, had lit the fire
did not the devil bore me? but what, if not the h-llish liar?
who else fits the category? which had set aflame the pyre?
immaculate or aleatory? i’ll share the magnifier

[verse 2]
1961, the oldest child was newly born
the youngest child of seven children of the corn

the eldest aged at seven years
the second youngest, barely one
all seven raised with irish catholic fear
of the priest up the street, and mother, former nun
soon another youngest came – dead within a year
as the oldest child became acquainted with the fear

peered again at one, fully reared to pray at five
by then, the eldest siblings had been twisted by the lies
they’d been twisted by the pain, rotted by the cries
for help, while twisted men taught wicked crimes

trauma and hormones pushed them to find
something to f-ck, they did as -ssigned
the youngest ones, six, five and four at the time
were out of luck, molested, as father had designed

the second youngest broke inside his mind
a survival-born psychosis, blossomed and refined
to feelings, he was blind, pushed them all aside
the most human part of him quickly died

by ten, the sociopathethic side had taken hold
of his soul, or what lied, shriveled up and cold
and then his brothers stopped, lo behold
the moment he became the oldest child in the fold

he smiled when others did, he did what he was told
set on holding power, set on holding gold
sat on holy order, and everybody knows
sat on brick and mortar, and everybody knows
to everybody, show your perfect veneer
to everybody, know, you’re perfect, it’s clear
to everybody, show, or purpose you’ll near
so n0body knows your personal tears
so n0body knows, the perfect career
was built on a lie, as was the marriage
as was the baby boy that you strangled in his carriage!

[refrain]
the twisted oldest child
the twisted oldest child
the twisted oldest child
the twisted oldest child

[verse 3]
even though the brothers had long since ceased their crimes
the oldest child was smothered by memories of dyin’
the sound of babies crying had triggered a disease
a mental deconditionin’ to feeling empathy
right then, at that moment, he sentenced me
to dyin’ the slow death of ptsd
he billed an infant, let his psyche break free
decided for me what life i would see

bided his time, til the baby was five
needed his mind, not enough just alive

he started with beatings, ended with lies
spoke christian speakings, ending a life
followed with beltings, ended with lies
spoke christian speakings, ending a life
followed with beatings, ended with lies
spoke christian speakings, ending a life
followed by repeating threats on the lives
of my brother and my mother, if i were to whine

finished with the screaming, the bleeding, and the cries…
as he forced me, and stabbed his flesh between my thighs…

[outro]
the twisted oldest child
the twisted oldest child
the twisted oldest child

- the thought

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