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letra de grease wars - the great luke ski

(opening music of star wars movies, segueing into the opening music of the song “grease”)
-sfx: blockade runner battle-

“force” (to the tune of “grease opening”)

leia:
a long time ago in a galaxy far away
the rebels stole some plans, led by me, princess leia
the empire chased us down in ships of steel
darth vader led the troops, based on what he could feel

vader:
force is the word!

leia:
force is the word, is the word, that you heard
it’s a groove in that meanie
force can be good,-

vader:
-or be bad in a sith lord
force is the way you are feeling

leia:
force is the word… (“is the word” echoes)
-sfx: r2-d2 noises-
c-3po: how did i get into this mess, i really don’t know how

“hopelessly devoted to r2” (to the tune of “hopelessly devoted to you”)

c-3po:
we seem to be made to suffer. it’s our lot in life
what mission are you talking about? not i!
we’ll go our separate ways
but of course jawas in sp-ce intrude, -sfx: r2-d2 noises-
i’m hopelessly devoted to r2

-sfx: jawas attack, interior of jawa transport-

but now, we’re caught in this trap
we’ll be melted down for scr-p
we’re doomed, lost my head, but still
i’m hopelessly devoted to r2… -sfx: r2-d2 noises-
hopelessly devoted to r2-d2!

-sfx: jawa babble-
uncle owen: all right, shut up, i’ll take these two

“luke, that’s me on tattooine” (to the tune of “look at me, i’m sandra dee”)

luke:
luke, that’s me, on tattooine
keeping vaporators clean
can’t go to school, ‘cause my uncle’s a fool
stuck trapped, on tattooine!
-sfx: r2 playing skipping message (partial)-

what the…? hey! let that message play
for some hermit, old and grey
called obi-wan. is it ben? now he’s gone!
r2 went on his way-ay-ay…

-sfx: sandpeople attack-

“sandpeople” (to the tune of “sandy”)

luke:
oh, sandpeople hate me! go away! i gotta find obi-wan

-sfx: obi-wan scares off sandpeople-

obi-wan:
they scare, easily, don’t be afraid little one
i knew your dad, a jedi knight, until murdered was he
by darth vader, ‘wink’, now this message…

-sfx: r2 playing skipping message (partial)-
luke: i saw part of the message he was…
obi-wan: i seem to have found it

obi-wan:
so let’s see
“obi-wan that i want” (to the tune of “you’re the one that i want”)

leia:
i need help, general ken0bi. i put the- death star plans
in your hands. please help our nation, destroy the station! (echoes three times)

obi-wan: hmm, i sense much reverb in her

leia:
you better help out, ‘cause you served my dad
now he begs you to set us free
please take this droid, way out to alderaan
my dad will know how to retrieve
ewan, alec, hey, it’s all the same to me

it’s obi-wan that i want!
(obi’s the one i want!) ooh ooh ooh, help me!
obi-wan that i want!
(obi’s the one i want!) ooh ooh ooh, ken0bi!
obi-wan that i want!
(obi’s the one i want!) ooh ooh ooh!
i just can’t cope! (just can’t cope!)
you’re my only hope! (only hope!)

“luke, that’s me, on tattooine (reprise)” (to the tune of “look at me, i’m sandra dee (reprise)”)

luke:
luke, that’s me, it’s time to flee
there’s nothing left here now for me
relatives fried. now that they both have died
i’ll be a jedi like obi!

-sfx: landspeeder entering mos eisley, interior ambience noise of cantina-

luke, that’s me, in this wretched bee-
hive of scum and villainy
let’s catch a ride. hope we’ll find one inside
goodbye to tattooine!

han: chewie here tells me you’re looking for passage to the alderaan system
obi-wan: yes, indeed. if it’s a fast ship
han: fast ship?

“greased falcon” (to the tune of “greased lightnin’”)

han:
well this ship is smuggler flyin’, it’s cavern divin’, it’s hyyyperdrivin’
why, it’s the greased falcon!

luke: greased falcon?

han:
she’ll go point-five past light speed, and make the ladies wince
she’ll rock ya, with chewbacca!
she’ll out run all of your imperial entanglements
so step on in, just let the wookie win
yeah, she’s got it where it counts, long as you pay my amounts
so fork over ten grand, i’ll take you to alderaan
in greased falcon!

guys:
han solo, go go go go go go go go… go!

han:
go, greased falcon, you’re burnin’ up the kessel run

guys:
greased falcon, go greased falcon!… go!

han:
you’ll never find a faster ship in this millennium

guys:
greased falcon, go greased falcon!

han:
greedo’s the worst!

guys:
huh huh!

-sfx: greedo laughing-

han:
i shot first!

guys:
huh huh!

-sfx: blaster shot, thud-

han:
greased falcon!

guys:
han solo, go go go go go go go go…

“watch my home go kaboom” (to the tune of “there are worse things i could do”)

leia:
gov’nor tarkin had a plan. set his sights on alderaan
what could i do? i had to lie. said “dantooine”, but the guy
told me “syc” and then saw it through
but the worst thing i could do
is watch my home go ka-boom

han: our position is correct, except no alderaan. there’s another ship coming in
ben: it’s an imerial fighter
luke: look at him. he’s heading for that small moon

“that’s no moon” (to the tune of “blue moon”)

obi-wan:
that’s no moon! (that’s no moon, that’s no moon)
it’s a sp-ce station, oh no! (that’s no moon, that’s no moon)
you better turn the ship around. (that’s no moon, that’s no moon)

han:
i can’t! the tractor beam has locked us down

vader: i want every part of this ship checked
luke: boy, it’s lucky you had these compartments
-sfx: chewie yells, taking the trooper station-
obi-wan: i must go alone
-sfx: r2-d2 noises-
c-3po: he says he’s found princess leia
luke: the princess?! she’s here?!

“we’ll go to get her” (to the tune of “we go together”)

luke:
we’ll go to get her, like a super dooper trooper who is called tk-421!
sneak up and rescue her, with chewbacca, prisoner transfer, cell block 1-1-3-8!
while ben shuts down the tractor beam, we can go set her free!
r2, yeah!

han:
i’d rather forget her, and sit here, right on my b-tt and wait for the fossil now

luke:
but you like cash better, like moolah moolah moolah, pay off jabba the hutt, she’s rich!
bling bling, money, ka-ching, c’mon! save her then find obi-wan
wa-wa-wa-wan!

-sfx: skirmish arriving at the cel block-
leia: aren’t you a little short for a storm trooper?

“jedi knights” (to the tune of “summer nights”)

han:
death star station, stuck, bored as h-ll

leia:
interrogation, trapped in my cell

han:
i saved a girl, crazy for me

leia:
he was my ride, unfortunately

han & leia:
in the trash, about to be mashed
because of those jedi knights

guys & girls:
well-a, well-a, well-a, huh!

guys:
tell me more, tell me more!

han:
yeah, she’s curvy, not flat

girls:
tell me more, tell me more

leia:
his best friend is a rat

~~~
girls: uh-huh! guys: doo doo. girls: uh-huh! guys: doo doo. girls: uh-huh! guys: doo doo doo, doo doo
-sfx: chewbacca roars-
leia: will somebody get this walking carpet out of my way?!
han: absolutely, your worshipfulness!!

~~~
girls: uh-huh! guys: doo doo. girls: uh-huh! guys: doo doo. girls: uh-huh! guys: doo doo doo, doo doo
han:
back to the ship, a plan i was scheming

~~~
girls: uh-huh! guys: doo doo. girls: uh-huh! guys: doo doo. girls: uh-huh! guys: doo doo doo, doo doo
leia:
he ran blasting, yelling and screaming

~~~
girls: uh-huh! guys: doo doo. girls: uh-huh! guys: doo doo. girls: uh-huh! guys: dooooo!
han:
stormtroopers came, i took ‘em down

~~~
guys & girls: doo, do-bop bop bop! doo, do-bop bop bop!
leia:
me and luke, were swingin’ around!

-sfx: kiss-
han: eww…

~~~
han & leia:
what a trip! got in the ship
but look! fighting jedi knights!

-sfx: light sabre battle-

guys & girls:
well-a, well-a, well-a, huh!

girls:
tell me more, tell me more!

leia:
you scruffy looking nerf herder!

guys:
tell me more, tell me more!

han:
saving this chick is murder!

-sfx: han blasts a trooper-
trooper: ugh!
-sfx: thud-
han: it was a boring chorus anyway

“jedi school drop-out” (to the tune of “beauty school drop-out”)

-sfx: light sabre hum-

obi-wan:
your story’s sad to tell, a sp-ce-age ne’er-do-well
most mixed-up former slave boy in the stars
your future was unclear then
in you we sensed much fear then
now your outfit hides your soul and battle scars

yoda (background vocal):
oh, oh, oh, oh, la la la la la la la!

jedi school drop-out, no chamber council seat for you
jedi school drop-out, knocked up the senator of naboo
well you led the sith in genocide, a twisted evil h-llion
and thanks to that now both your kids are part of the rebellion

yoda: shh!

vader:
i was the learner

yoda (background vocal):
you were the learner

vader:
but now, ken0bi, i’m the master

obi-wan:
only of evil

yoda (background vocal):
only of evil

obi-wan:
which is why your life’s a disaster
if you strike me down, i’ll blow this town, for me please shed no tears
gotta be goin’ to that sequel, in four years

yoda (background vocal):
ah, ha ah ha

-sfx: light sabre slash-
luke: nooo!!!
-sfx: blaster fire-
leia: c’mon luke, it’s too late!
obi-wan: run, luke, run!
-sfx: falcon taking off-
han: c’mon, buddy, we’re not out of this yet

“greased falcon (bridge)” (to the tune of “greased lightnin’” bridge sequence)

-sfx: claps replaced with 14 blaster shots and one explosion.-

~~~

han: you hear me baby? hold together

-sfx: claps replaced with 14 blaster shots and one explosion.-

~~~

han: (laughing) ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

-sfx: claps replaced with 14 blaster shots and one explosion.-

~~~

luke: got him! i got him!
han: great, kid. don’t get c-cky!

-sfx: claps replaced with 14 blaster shots and one explosion.-

willard: princess! thank goodness you’re safe!
-sfx: r2-d2 noises-

“red five” (to the tune of “hand jive”)

dodonna:
now listen up to this battle plan
take an x-wing fighter, just one man
zoom on down into that trench
and smell that thermal exhaust port stench
cause a chain reaction will sure be neat-o
if you target your proton torpedo!

-sfx: x-wing fighters, maybe with r2-

luke:
a harder mission i can’t surmise
but i used to bullseye womp rats that size
just like beggar’s canyon back home
but suddenly i feel all alone
how was i the only one to survive?
i’m standing by, and they call me red five!

everybody:
r2, red five, baby!

-sfx: r2-d2 noises-

everybody:
r2, red five, baby!

luke:
oh yeah!

“greased falcon (reprise)” (to the tune of “greased lightnin’” end sequence)

luke: this is red 5, i’m going in
obi-wan: luke, trust your feelings
-sfx: r2 gets shot-
luke: i lost r2!
tarkin: you may fire when ready
obi-wan: use the force, luke
vader: i have you now
-sfx: blaster, explosion-
vader: what?!
han: yee-hoooooo!
-sfx: vader’s ship knocked off course-
han: you’re all clear, kid, now let’s blow this thing and go home!
-sfx: proton torpedo shot-
-sfx: death star explosion!-

guys:
go…

han:
go skywalker, destroyin’ the empire base!

guys:
skywalker, go skywalker! go…

han:
go skywalker, you’re saving all of outer sp-ce!

guys:
skywalker, go skywalker!

han:
blew them to h-ll

guys:
huh huh!

han:
a-with some help

guys:
huh huh!

han:
from greased falcon!

guys:
falcon! falcon! falcon!
falcon! falcon! falcon! falcon!
falcoooon!

“jedi knights (reprise)” (to the tune of “summer nights” end sequence)

leia:
battle’s over, that’s where it ends

han:
blew off jabba, to save my friends

leia:
here’s some medals, for fighting clones

han:
time to make, “indiana jones”

han & leia:
star wars dreams, on movie screens
but, oh, those je-edi kni-ights!

everybody:
use the force, use the for-…-or-or-or-…or-or-orce!

- the great luke ski

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