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letra de case study/dance with the devil (interlude) - ted the poet

(poem)
case study
for years, i’ve been hiding behind this mask of vulgarity
discouraged by incessant invalidation
defeated by the lies of the confused
screams stifled to whispers
whispers stifled to tears
tears stifled to silence

what was once was an open book
now has withered down to a notecard
folded in half atop a dusty shelf
reading “out of stock”
i’ve allowed you to swim on my surface
and bask in the sun
because exploration down to the wonders of my sunken titanic
has lеd to nothing but implosion

why must i continue to be mislabelеd?
misunderstood?
why must i harbor the most beautiful components of my being
because you’re not willing to sift through the darkness to find them?
why must my heart remain so heavy
but my expression so light?

this cage you’ve built was designed to restrain my wings
for years, i convinced myself they were never meant to spread
regaining my strength, i’ve sweat out your toxins
they were strong enough to break your metal the entire time
case study

(chorus)
i done danced with the devil, now i need a new partner (now i need a new partner)
feeling like a true martyr
turned to the gutter when the cloud grew darker (when the cloud grew darker)
but now it’s moved farther
gotta let it go when i become a new father (when i become a new father)
got me one or two daughters
use to drown the pain with a vice and lose conscience (lose conscience)
sh-t it getting too dark
i done danced with the devil, now i need a new partner (now i need a new partner)
feeling like a true martyr
turned to the gutter when the cloud grew darker (when the cloud grew darker)
but now it’s moved farther
gotta let it go when i become a new father (when i become a new father)
got me one or two daughters
use to drown the pain with a vice and lose conscience (lose conscience)
sh-t it getting too dark

(verse)
i done danced with the devil, follow me to where it started (started, started)
before my second year of college, got a new apartment
so we threw a party (party, party)
never knowing there was darkness lurking there upon us
doomed us in a heartbeat
i was in my room, we was talking
drew sat across from me and two pretty shawties
said something rude ’bout their bodies
boom, there was tommy standing up for who he was calling his b-tch
so them two started brawling, but fists weren’t landing
so the two were just falling and sh-t (sh-t)
and we was all brothers, so i knew in the morning
we’d review a recording of the feud and be snorting
laughing at the whole thing
i started shooting the brawl with a grin
it was harmless, and then (then)
i noticed someone standing on the ledge out the window
wait, the kid that i invited, oh my god, it was him!
then everybody ran in there to stop the attempt
pulling on his shirt, but he was not coming in
screaming at me that it’s not my fault, then he switched
screaming ’bout some sh-t that ain’t involve be a bit
tommy started crawling out to talk to the kid
i had tommy’s arm, said it was not worth the risk
he said that he wouldn’t let him fall, then he switched
screaming ’bout some sh-t that ain’t involve me a bit
i let go of his arm, i was not all convinced
phone still in my hand, and i caught all this sh-t
thought that i was capturing a positive vid
just a nineteen, drunk, idiotic lil’ kid
so now that there were two tip-toeing on a five inch ledge
everybody inside just left
i was standing there, trying not to cry, big breaths
begging then to come on this side instead
on the glass they were holding sits life and death
but it shattered, by the time i realized it, dread
they had already fallen like six flights, then next
i shouted out, bodies hit right then left
then and only then, the red light did i press
then it settled in, sat right in my chest
i could’ve prevented it, eyes right on my friend
thirteen stories down, paralyzing my legs
crawled through the living room, elevator down
tommy screaming, “ted! ted!” then he never made a sound
did he die p-ssed at me ’cause i failed to save his life
and the last thing he saw was my camera, then the ground?
cried myself to sleep, cried myself awake
started the semester, homie died just yesterday
news interviews before i processed my blame
watched the video a hundred times, no less a day
self-isolation, dark times, a desolate place
if i stayed alone, then i might have…
so i started to swipe, started texting away
couldn’t sleep alone with my mind, used s-x to escape
three women a night, and then several a day
a few rotten apples a night kept the devil away
i corrupted my mind, i developed the taste
it became a drug that i’d die if i didn’t take
didn’t give a f-ck if they liked me in any way
i was being used for some pipe and expensive dates
they were being used so my mind, it could disengage
turned into addiction i ain’t try to eliminate
am i being real or fake
when the deep sh-t gets no plays and a little hate?
then the vile sh-t, i reiterate
now they think i’m great
(chorus)
i done danced with the devil, now i need a new partner (now i need a new partner)
feeling like a true martyr
turned to the gutter when the cloud grew darker (when the cloud grew darker)
but now it’s moved farther
gotta let it go when i become a new father (when i become a new father)
got me one or two daughters
use to drown the pain with a vice and lose conscience (lose conscience)
sh-t it getting too dark
i done danced with the devil, now i need a new partner (now i need a new partner)
feeling like a true martyr
turned to the gutter when the cloud grew darker (when the cloud grew darker)
but now it’s moved farther
gotta let it go when i become a new father (when i become a new father)
got me one or two daughters
use to drown the pain with a vice and lose conscience (lose conscience)
sh-t it getting too dark

(outro)
i done danced with the devil, now i need a new–

- ted the poet

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