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letra de dalla luce, nell'oscuritá - symmol

at the bottom of a ditch
in the darkest corner of my mind
lay a picture i threw away long ago
on a pile of other mutilated memories
tethered to eachother
in a sinous snake of silatious self portraits
slithering around, they would whisper to me
i couldn’t hear them, i could only see them
until i turned around to look for brighter thoughts
melancholy would make me look back again
and some days the pictures were clearer
and some days, i’d take a step closer to them
and one day, i could hear them
all at once
every wrong turn, every missed step
every bad decision i had ever made
came to me in the form of a hopeful child or a promising teenager
a compliment from my parents
a flattering message from someone i loved
i wanted to be something so different from what i had become
i couldn’t bear to listen
i couldn’t bear to look with the knowledge that i had done this to myself
was there ever a chance for me to become what i had always wanted?
was my past self disappointed in me?
angry?
a downward spiral of scatter thoughts paralyzed me
as the snake hissed and coiled around my legs
still whispering, still creeping between my thoughts
it’s jaws opened to show the hollow insides of a construct built
not to digest, but to swallow and engulf
it’s curved t–th malevolent smiles
it’s venom etching, burning into my skin
the pain of it’s bite, the numbness of it’s toxin
my eyes, my limbs, my being, pulled onto the ground by an unforgiving force
the ceremony of predation, manifesting in my mind
finalized by the death of a part of myself i never knew i had
the struggle of a prey that never knew life before then
i beg forgiveness to my past self every day
but i can find no peace
there is no answer

- symmol

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