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letra de my haven my solace - sutaijian

i couldn’t put my art out
and now i can’t even paint her face
hope she doesn’t charge me extra disappointment tax, i had no spare change
first wel groomed client, 22 years young
but all disappointment down below
but she was nice to me, because for all she knew
i was making my hard work rain on her

the next morning i took down more
i took it down like it was part of my diet
i knew i wasn’t going to fail tonight
i went back to cowboy’s in the back of a taxi cab
the driver smirked at me because he knew i was a sugar tourist
bet he drove himself down here sometimes when his wife kept herself closed
spending all that money driving ten to ten like a workhorse
on hoes that shouldn’t be worth a dime on the kelly red book
but it’s honest produce
even though she’s been run through 365
she’s a workhorse too, just doing her job
i should get myself tested though
fending off harassment
fending off being demeaned for her condition
she’s not a slave, i’m the slave to it
it took me too long too realize it, but women own me and my body
the spirit of a woman owns my body
go back to the same girl every night, she’s still there
after night one, she got her price up
and when i write this i sound like i’ve got a savior complex
but you ever see a girl so pretty, you could give her the world
but at the same time it doesn’t sound just right
i got a degree now, but all i’m out here is looking for street meat
because it’s receding and that’s all that matters at the end of the day
and i could say a good personality sells, but everyone listening can tell i don’t put the strongest suit up for myself on that front
she’s dormant for now, it’s just me for now
jesus christ
i’ll always be like every other man
and i’ll always have my problems
and i’ll always be unable to pleasure, or love
i make use of every single minute i’ve got with her
and sometimes i gott lost in her eyes
looking at the reflection of the skyline in it
but i got on that plane with a mission
a mission to fulfill everything i’ve ever wanted
terminal one

i took down everything about her, and i said i’d catch her next time
and that she could live out her life, but when i land back she’s mine
but guess what
the second i got on the plane i changed my mind
and when i hit the tarmac down home
i took her contact out of my phone
i wasn’t even going to spend
international call tariffs on
keeping her close to me
because i used her
like i use everybody
and she felt herself rising from the ashes when she fell in love with someone en route to being so established
at least i thought
i’m so delused by fame

and i started seeing her as less than a normal woman
i told myself that i got 5 days free with a giver
a life hack
but i really got no morals
and now i’m out here back on track
chasing a supposed n0blewoman
when i could’ve found true love in what i just threw away
but i’m deloused by what could be
i’m very imperfect but i still seek perfection
i’m a hypocrite i treat some women better
they’re all beautiful women that deserve respect and love at the end of the day
but i think with my hormones and they get the better of me
i’m sorry
and then i landed back, succumbed to my urges
i was lost in my old ways
i touched down back, got on the transit lane
and when i got back to your sp-ce
all the girls that were once beside you
in the showcase
where i selected you for your grace
said you had left for once
i had my bag clutched to my chest
i was praying god would take me next
i asked for a headstone
they said it didn’t exist
her family didn’t want the body
they threw her to the streets
i placed my eggs in the wrong basket
i didn’t have a place to give you a wreath
i had to bring you thank you flowers to thank you for everything
but i brought the flowers to a vessel of ashes
tribute
man
love is plastic
love is blind
but it don’t last
not for humankind
find me a euthanasia apparatus

- sutaijian

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