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letra de the biggest dick in hyrule - starbomb

[intro: arin hanson]
my name is link
and i just woke up from a sleep that was apparently 100 years plus
i’m all drenched in goo and partially nude
so i’mma try and see just what these twink-y muscles do

[verse 1: arin hanson, arin’s girl voice]
first i’ll raise some towers, so i can get a peek
at all the moblins, lizards and havoc to wreak
eatin’ every single apple, that i see
takin’ newly-woken giant robots down with glee

but i, stop into town
and i, take a look around
i realize i haven’t spoken to anyone
to brag about all the rad sh-t that i’ve done
excuse me miss, i’d be remiss if i didn’t introduce myself
oh, i’m p-ssed
what?
i know who you are, you f-ckin’ guy
i never thought i’d get the chance to look you in the eye
i’m sorry, i’m lost
do you know who i am?
uh, yeah, you cuck; you k!lled my whole fam
i did?
yes! remember those towers you raised?
my house was there
wow
i’m glad you’re amazed
well look, i didn’t know that an ancient device
would be right under your home
um, a sorry’d be nice
okay, its just, i’ve been busting my ass
doing all kinds of heroic things
i really didn’t ask
for example: i’ve been deflecting lasers at these robots
oh, that’s cool!
i just dug my sons grave plot
the amount of recipes i’ve learned
so much
nice!
i’ll never feel my husbands touch
[verse 2: arin hanson, brian wecht]i feel really bad
but i’m, also a little mad
that my hard work is being undermined
it’s like, it’s not my fault your stupid family died
i figured i’d try to talk to someone nicer
so i approached this guy who was a master dicer
hey man, you’re good at slicin’ apples
that’s my main source of sustenance along my travels
i’d love to chat, but i’m in a bind
i have to make due with the apples i could find
there’s like none, they’re all f-cking gone
like someone ate the entire orchard for fun
the orchards with the signs behind the town’s where you grow it?
yeah, that’s the one
-burp- cool, i don’t know it
who ever is responsible, whoever the traitor
i’m gonna slice off their d-ck
okay, see you later

[verse 3: arin hanson, dan avidan, arin doing a voice]
glad i’m out of there
hey maybe i’ll try
another town of people
oh, that’s cool, they fly
we are the rito
bird people of the skies
we also hate hylians
haha-lright, see you guys
maybe hateno village will be into my boastin’
hi, i lit the blue torches
what!? you let the ghosts in!
moving along
i’m sure there’s a place
where the people aren’t way into eating my face
oh look it’s the gorons!
oh! a face we can eat!
well, i think i’m gonna start beatin’ my feet
i don’t even know where the heck i could go
i’m sorry little korok
-grunts- you k!lled me bro…
d-mn, mister horse guy workin’ at the farm
seems like everything i do just causes some harm
i hope my trusty horse didn’t pain or bother ya
oh no, not at all. he just gave use all cholera
how is that even -sigh-, just, whatever
i guess i’ll just think about it and do better
i’m gonna head to the great fairy to upgrade my sweater
you awoke the great fairy!?
yeah
[outro: arin hanson as link, arin hanson as various bros]
-spoken-
yoooooo, no cap? (aww, let’s go.) d-mn she fine. (yeah, she fine.) yeah yeah, she fine. (oh, like mad fine.) sooo fine!

oh, so i didn’t mess up?

h-ll nah! (what??) no man
yeah, don’t worry about it. (yeah, man it’s cool.) it’s cool, man
however, on account of the cholera, we all have to sh-t all the time
(yeahh) sooo much! (yeah, it’s like woahhh) it’s like, mad gross
it’s like -quiet fart sound effect made with arin’s mouth or something??-
-bros laughing in agreement- yeah, yes, he knows!

- starbomb

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