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letra de babysbreath - soojung

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when i grow up
these flowers of youth will unbloom
when i grow up
the sp-ce between my fingers won’t be filled by you

water from my cup will
blur the long-lost powers of you
though now your
worn eyes linger
like overworn perfume

so i said

no i won’t have your baby
no i won’t have your child
for your father and mine and you all failed me
and the colors of my doubt run wild

you want to name them after your mother
i want to name them in another life
scared they’d inherit all the rage of my father
and the parts of me my mother never liked

you do not see me
so you won’t see me in them
i’ll cook and clean and poison my garden
while dandelions bloom and you call it dead
so i bled
no i won’t have your baby
no i won’t have your child
for your father and mine and you all failed me
and the blues and the pinks and the reds of my doubt run wild

i’m sending them back to a better place
until if/when you and i ever get in a better place
i’m praying for a world where they don’t wear my face
or cry to sleep wantin’ to be in a better place

no i won’t have your baby
no i won’t have your child
my voice goes quiet, i hope you never understand
how badly i needed you to hold my hand

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