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letra de the hand we're dealt - sneakzs reyna

[verse:]
since 1995
when i arrived
i’ve been tied between two lives
seeking god, speaking to demons
every time i close my eyes
i don’t know why i feel like
i’ve been inside of this mind
for far too long
when i say nothing’s wrong
i know that’s just a lie
still i climb mountain sides
feeling helpless half the time
back when i was just a child
uncle woody packed a 9
actin’ wild he showed me how
to c-ck it back and open fire
i was only four he was twenty in 1999
take ya’ll back to ’94
one year before i’d arrive
my uncle squinky died
when he caught a bullet between the eyes
but still i find
deep inside
i think i just need some time
to keep my mind prepared
when i dare to travel the steepest climbs
i’m losing sleep
i don’t eat
we been moving dope for weeks
hope i don’t end up over dosing
ain’t no controlling me
this the way it ought to be
part of me is hard to see
promise me
honestly
you don’t love me partially
i’m parked inside my car
and me and you are always arguing
i gotta leave
i just can’t sit here and give my heart for free
’cause all of these
emotions explodin’
and i know you probably think
that i’m not the me i used to be
you hate that i’m using these substances
so i can f-ckin’ write something that you believe
so i proceed
to abuse these drugs that damaged my family
how can it be
i’m becoming something i can’t stand to see…
i’m becoming something i can’t stand to see
been doing this so long
when i sit to write some songs
i go
in and out my zone
but i still feel like i’m alone
try to call on
a friend i can fall on
all i get’s a dial tone
seems like no one answering they phone
i’m a cancer and that means
that i can be emotional
yet when i’m rapping
it all seems to be a phase that i go through
but i ain’t phased by anything they throw at me
i keep my cool
keep on moving through
god’s the only judge of what i do
and these drugs that i pursue
keep telling me that i’ma lose
i got demons following me all my life
they come in twos
why the f-ck when i’m a wreck
i check my phone and i hope it’s you
here we go again
i always end up ruining your mood
that’s not what i’m tryna do
tell me how can i improve
instead of losing you every time we fight and argue
it’s a ruse
every night it seems my mind is tryna find
some way to choose between
the truth i need i need to hear/all these lies i’m telling you
no surprise why
you don’t want to cry
i know you’ve been through h-ll and back
and there’s no way we can justify
everything you’re going through
here’s some words from me to you
never give up what you’re after
let your p-ssion light the fuse
try to pray
and live each day like it’s the last thing you will do
don’t be afraid to say the way you feel inside
’cause time is cruel
try to smile
even when it seems there’s nothing left to prove
giving up just ain’t an option
this is what we meant to do
i wish i can give up profit
but got rent that’s overdue
so i work my nine to five
i’m still in school at twenty-two
and my mother always cry
’cause she ashamed of what i do
but i’m sorry mama
all my life i’d put the blame on you
for all the sh-t ya’ll put us through
and some things i just won’t understand
pop’s was with another woman
mom’s was with another man
and my world begun to spin
i wished that it all would end
running through the streets
’cause i need to know where my parents been
they ain’t slept in weeks
and it scared me to think they probably dead
but instead
they was on a mission with they junkie friends
f-ck it then
i’ma be just like ’em when the tables spin
we ain’t have no cable
so pbs was my only friend
i’m cashing in
all these cans i grabbed
from these recycle bins
it’s like my life is a viscous cycle
that won’t ever end
and there’s those times that i sit
and i write it all out just to mend
and i try to act like i’m alright
but lord knows i pretend
i won’t defend the way i’m living
’cause i’m soaked in sin
i’m closing in on my final chapter
and my rope is thin
feel i’m growing into
the man i’m told i’ve always been
even though i know i’m f-cking up
from all the drugs we did
i never meant to become what i hated most
but i love my life
even though i know
one day i’m gon’ pay the cost
every time i try to rise above it
she just tells me to go
she scared to love me but don’t say it
’cause in her eyes where it shows
i can hear it when we speakin’
and when she cries on the phone
all she wants to do is leave
’cause she don’t love me no more
and she don’t like where we goin’
so we gotta try to move on
’cause it’s way to hard trying not to sink
when we just can’t stay afloat
i hope we both know what we about to do
it’s true
i can’t keep tryna keep you ’round
if i’m no longer loving you
so now i’m stuck , what to do
’cause we’re no longer living proof
of what could be
’cause me and you know
we can’t seem to make it through, baby

- sneakzs reyna

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