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letra de battle cruisers - sans beanstalk

darts and footy
farts and bookies
flat roof, xl -rs- and bullies
carling pulling
jars for pudding
asked for a half and the landlord shook him
darts all locked up
toilets blocked up
old man in a full suit’s just rocked up
end of the bar, he’s propped up
chatting to a wall and his one’s getting topped up
catching b-lls in the pool
enacting the only fools fall
oh no, it’s paul on the pull
and the barmaid’s not finished school
i’m sat at the back of a battered boozer
with a guy that’s sad ‘cos he’s backed a loser
and he’s lost his head and he smacked a roofer
now he’s bacon crisps comin’ out of a juicer
windows black just to hide the router
streamin’ the prems, the remotе is a muter

‘cos it’s, er, it’s a foreign strеam… so, y’know, gotta keep ‘em happy
but it’s alright, ‘cos if somebody from licensing comes round, you just put giant lobster hunters on
anyway, there are worse pubs out there with beers like
intergalactic witch
one free dip with the buffalo chips
ordered a pie and it came in a pint glass
can we reconstruct this?
no seats, i’m sat on a barrel
or a stool that’s shaped like a saddle
[?] in branded apparel
american football, they won’t change the channel

no pound signs on the menu
don’t know these beers, just pretend to
can’t tell which door is the men’s room
no wifi, chat like you’re meant to
two beards in each friend group
got a marvel quiz to attend to
with a deal on wings at the end too
sticky fingers, no women in the venue

there’s a new pub
by a roundabout
fiestas at maccies, drowned ‘em out
parked next door, bass poundin’ out
one dad brought his kid and he wants to be grealish
“your round next, mate
jokin’, i’ll leave it”
greene king lager and goujons needed
and also a cheesy ciabatta please, mate
carpet looks like a bus seat
wetherspoons? yeah, must be
old books, never read, look dusty
chips crispy, patrons crusty
got the news on the screen up above me
it’s a pub for everybody, trust me
just not 48% of the country
tennessee burgers, lovely

the sauce is really good, to be fair

i’ve, erm, i’ve actually been assaulted in two different walkabouts

- sans beanstalk

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