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letra de homesick - sage (rapper)

it’s 2am and if i’m going to be entirely honest
it’s cuz i’m way too lonely to sleep
cuz a time machine broken in the back of my mind
keeps traveling back in time to this moment i see
and suddenly i’m there again
my shoulders release, the loneliness ceases
and slowly over the deepest part of my soul
there washes over it the re-experience of
what it’s like to finally feel at home and i think
what did i do to lose all of this?
to go from flying, to walking, then not even crawling
it’s like what my life is- and this- one or the other should not exist
why did i have to have it, then have to lose it all?
i just don’t know what to do
but here i am, back at that night
hearing her say “you’re welcome to stay”
then having to writhe as i look back at myself
as i look back and reply to her that i can’t
and turn my back in a sacrifice
of every moment that i’m reliving now
trying to figure out what i might’ve done different
to have a life that would be different now
why, if, and how i could’ve kept it all going
cuz so many years later i still can’t accept that it’s gone
that except for this song all i have is a memory now
of the gentlest touch i’ve ever felt
of the heavenly sound of her laughter
of after the game that night
of even half of the ways that she’d make my life
feel worth living again over the course of a year
but of course i can see it all now
with so much more of a clear perspective
cuz heck if i’d have gone through with it then
there’s no telling who would’ve ended up hurt
ruined a friendship at least
and the worst thing i can do it pretend
like there wasn’t a reason i decided to do what i did
i thought it through ad infinitum
and it’s true that what bid me to act at the time
may have not been true, but to an extent
it doesn’t matter i wasn’t ready regardless
it’s hard to admit but i couldn’t yet even have articulated
what it was that was making me hesitate and
had i waited to figure it out
then you and i would’ve ended way differently and
i don’t think either of us would have wanted that
not to act like how it happened
didn’t put a lot of cr-p in between us
use to think just what i could’ve thought of
that would’ve relieved it, but this thing is something
we would not have back then been able to stop
so hateful a thought, i know
and i’m not grateful i’ve got to say that i fought
for so long before i finally realized that
or that i still can’t help but ache for my “real life” back
maybe it was an error
and we should have never met
it sure wasn’t fair
but now with whatever is left of my life
i’ll have to figure out how to ghost it
so i don’t sit up so late at night, feeling homesick

- sage rapper

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