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letra de drunk off root beer - ryder thomas

[spoken interlude 1: ryder thomas]
now, i always look up at my dad, y’know
on the couch watching football
drinking a budweiser, you know? that whole thing
you know what? i always wanted to be like him
so, i went to the gas station the other day
and i asked him, “hey, dude, do you have any budweisers?”
and he said, “uh, sorry, dude, i don’t sell alcohol to minors”
t-that’s pretty dumb, so, i went– so, i looked around
then i saw this thing called, “mild budget root beer”
and then i gave it him and said, “this one?”
he said, “sure”
so, i handed– you know, all the cool kids
the kids will probably find me cool if i drink this stuff
hope– so, tonight, i’m gonna– i buy a bunch of bottles(?)
and, tonight, i’ m gonna attempt to get drunk off them
because, y’know, cool stuff, i don’t have anything better to do

[instrumental]

[spoken interlude 2: ryder thomas]
so, update: so far, i’m drunk
i drinked, like, 6 of them and not drunk at all
i just feel pretty strict on my t–th
i decided to go back with my [?] and tried to get a bunch more
didn’t decide to get a bunch more;
i kinda had to go a little bit more budgety
so, i found this new brand, like, “joe’s ultra budget root beer”
and there’s a little disclaim on the front
it said, “warning: may or may not contain rat poison”
i mean, eh, what– what are you gonna do about it?
whatever, it tastes good
so, i bought, like, 20 of them
and… just to see if that’d get me drunk
so, i’ll give you– i’ll keep you guys updated if i–
if i do, and if i don’t… oh– oh, well
[instrumental]

[spoken interlude 3: ryder thomas]
-coughs- an update: -coughs- not feeling too well
is this what being dru– drunk feels like?
-coughs- it’s like– -coughs- help! -continues coughing-
so, uh, i drinked like 20 of.. like, 20 of them
to put them all into the truck and drink it
i mean, if it would fit in, like– if it–
if i get, like, the [?], oh– oh, wow
-continues coughing-
so, tell the kids at school, that i– -coughs-

[spoken interlude 4: ryder thomas]
hey, son, how’s it in your deathbed?
unfortunately, you’re gonna die this soon
uh, i’m trying to let you know–
just to let you know: you had a good life
(well, i got de– i got drunk)
oh, son, you got drunk? i’m proud of you
have a good– have a good life in the afterlife, though

- ryder thomas

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