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letra de crisis on infinite earths recap rap - ryan tellez

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in the beginning
there was infinitude
now it’s “holy crimson skies of death!”
grayson, you said it, dude

the multiverse looks bleak
more than an act of god
use kryptonian parents’ technique
stuff your baby in a pod

so lyla’s the har-bringer
drop the crew on 38
clark and kara act with haste
with their ability to commiserate

mia, the time-loop millennial
answers arrow’s call
while brainiac is running around
like keanu reeves on aderall

superbaby lands in a future
where ollie’s even sadder
then interdimensional dementors
rise up out the antimatter

battle it out with
somersaults, lasik, and batarangs
but this ain’t no salmon ladder, y’all
’cause ollie can no longer hang

an era gone
38 goes alderaan
but kara and sara are paragons
and they can’t get rid of cavanagh

pour one out for the queen
here’s to you good-lookin’
now i’m gonna leave
so parallel me can come and bring that hook in

savin’ time and sp-ce and the whole human race
sure looks crazy stressful
but none of that compares to the planning and the care
that went in that production schedule

they squeezed in all those cameos
durance, wheaton, ward, and wuhl
basically all i’m trying to say
is that’s a whole lotta emails and phone calls

earth 99, re-animated wayne
decrepit digs, and tight abs (wolf whistle)
kryptonite, creepy trophy case
kate whips up an order of fried bats

duckie luthor’s book tour
is makin’ a k!llin’
but powerless welling’s pining
for a different smallvillain (i’m chillin’)

superman returns,
but it’s just ray with touch of grey
prison break just babysits while
inspector david blaine

goes to earth 18, laz pit
then sara makes jonah hex
ollie’s revived but he’s out of his mind
like frankenstein on p90x

the paragon lineup adds a lover and a fighter
so they gotta find another guy to do more science
final key to victory: a g*nius in the ivy league
a brave mother-trucker they call him ryan

90s barry allen, off the antimatter cannon
black lightning helps out for a sec
follow through on the prophecy, by taking younger barry’s speed
and marathon training to death

run-in with the devil
sends ’em to the chinese coast
meet a stranger in the bushes
and then ollie just ghosts

anti-m strikes, vanishing point
super seizure, then lex
that’s bonkers yo
now parallel me get us hype for what comes next

some of these spots are some really deep cuts
like who remembers birds of prey?
they moved around production and then
padded out the budget to get lucifer for a day (he’s on netflix)

it’s hard enough to throw a birthday party
when your friends have other plans (that’s rough)
producers gotta jump through flaming hoops
to service all the fans

way back in the day
a time travel mission flops
tragically causing a lost soul
to grow out mutton chops

ryan’s castaway beard
shows time has p-ssed for the group
then ghost ollie shows off
his new power to boop

visit older episodes, and cram in all the cameos
wave at ezra miller real quick
vacate vancouver and redirect the universe
by not letting lex be a huge d-ck

dawn of time battle
but the main event is spectre
skyhole, shed a single tear
now he’s even deader

back to the grind, on the same earth?
marv, ya don’t say!
so j’onn gets everyone up to speed
but in a creepy uncle way

crisis still afoot
so says spray tan cavanagh’s fitbit
then beebo goes all stay puft
sara cold-c-cks, let’s get lit

jk, anti-monitor still thinks
he antimatters
do a science, “for oliver”
then minimize his stature

the multiverse is saved
from earth-2 to earth prime
and earth-12, earth-19
earth-21, earth-96, and earth-9 (cameos)

several eulogies later
they’re ready to fight the same fight
with custom etsy chairs
and a great table for game night

cage free easter egg
super friends in for future fun
the arrowverse keeps rollin’
but this verse here is super done

- ryan tellez

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