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letra de kudi namkeen (open letter to honey singh) - rene verma

yo, main south delhi da launda
driving 180 in a big fast honda
i went to the dhaba and i ate aloo bonda
i’m running out of options so i’ll just say anaconda
my anaconda don’t, my anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns hon

hey little lady, i am a little shady uh, i could be your dilbar-dilbar, you on my insta no filter!

hey girl, tera bomb figure
tu lagti badi soni, par magar
i saw you eating burger in lajpat nagar
you better work it girl, tujhe lagta nahin dar!

hey girl, tu lagti badi khoob
teri aankhon mein main jaata doob doob
36-24-36, be my mehb00b
i just made this stanza up so i could rhyme it with b00b

kudiyan-shudiyan, i don’t give a d-mn
unless you are hot, unless you are my fan
eminem can’t touch this, ‘cause i’m in india
and he’s in america, yah
to get to me he needs to apply for a visa
i know my rap sk!lls are sh-t, mujhe bol ke dikha

the response:

wait a minute. seriously?

let me get this straight. i am not an afterthought. i am not an overpriced sweater in zara. i am not the tears in the trial room. i am not an ambaran di queen or a kudi namkeen, i am not a shawty who got low low low low, i am not arnab goswami, but tonight, the nation wants to know. i am not wifi, because no pickup artist, you and i do not share a connection. i am not just a little girl who likes girls and boys or just a little boy who likes to play with barbie. i am not 127 likes on a photoshopped facebook display picture. i am not a woofer and you sure as h-ll ain’t my amplifier, i mean what are you, a f-cking transformer? and if you feed my doggie a nashewala biscut i will cut you up. i am not. i am more. i am an ocean and a forest fire, i will destroy you and rebuild you like i destroy and rebuild myself, i am a hurricane-pr-ne area, i am a wildflower- i crumble and collapse and rise and flourish where and when i’m least expected to

i am:
a chick, a d-ck, a sl-t, a mutt, a dude, a prude, a b-tch, a snitch, a dyk-, a type, a punk—no. people are not pokemon, you can’t catch them all with your master ball (whatever that means)

and a girl can rap and a girl can joke and a girl can fight and a girl can smoke
and a boy can cry and a boy can sigh when he sees another guy and he can wear a sari and doesn’t need to be sorry

and lady—you are flawless, gorgeous hydrocarbon flawless, a spectrum, flawless, lawless, still flawless, man lady flawless, lady boy flawless, more than a label flawless, subversion flawless, rakhi sawant flawless, hilary clinton flawless, put your hands up flawless, i am flawless, you are flawless, we are flawless, and don’t let honey singh tell you any differently

and suma luma dooma luma oh oh, i can’t stop, i won’t stop, no no
no skinny b-tches, no big booty glitches, no stolen kisses, under the moonlight
and if you listen to the likes of yo yo, you’re gonna feel like sh-t so go slow

you- iridescent, magnificent, triumphant, you’ll see the light
condescending, they’re descending, you’re ascending, up the wall
no pumpkin carriage, arranged marriage, not just the belle of the ball
you’re a pear-shaped body and a heart-shaped face, armed in the auto with a pocketful of mace
survive, defy, resist, you are deferred, not undeterred

baby, it’s not maybelline, it’s you
you’re not just the masterpiece, you’re the painter too

- rene verma

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