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letra de eleven nine - quammi

[operator]
your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system

[luke]
luke lydon makena miller

[operator]
is not available
at the tone, please record your message
when you have finished recording
you may hang up
or press one for more options

[quinn]
good evening dr. miller
i’m sure you’re out celebrating your birthday tonight
so i won’t keep you too long
the wife and i wanted to wish you a happy birthday on your very special day

[sammi]
hi dr. doofenshmir –
hi mr. lemo-
hi dr. miller
it’s the wife
quinn’s wife
happy birt-
[quinn]
hey luke!
sorry about that
the wife’s off her meds again
got a lobotomy appointment on thursday
thanks again for squeezing us in on such short notice
anyways, we have a very special guest waiting to talk to ya
but you’ll hear from them soon
have a good one, man

[quinn]
today’s the day
(day)
let the candles glow
(glow)
let’s raise a glass for the man we know
(man we know)
makin’ love like we always do
(always do)
oh, big smoke luke, this song’s for you
(you)

[sammi]
happy birthday, big smoke luke
(big)
happy birthday, big smoke luke!
(smoke)
happy birthday, big smoke luke!
(luke)
happy birthday, big smoke luke!
[quinn]
you drive that dart down my landing strip
(strip)
with a bumpa so wide, you still make it fit
(make it fit)
when you light up that big cigarette
(cigarette)
it’s after we f-ck, don’t you forget
(don’t forget)

[sammi]
happy birthday, big smoke luke!
(big)
happy birthday, big smoke luke!
(smoke)
happy birthday, big smoke luke!
(luke)
happy birthday, big smoke luke!

[quinn]
from the cum you shoot
(cum)
to the cum you spray
(cum)
you bring the sunshine on a cummy day!
(cum- day)
fallin’ for those milfs
(milf)
taller, older, wise
(cum)
hope you came in your pants after i said that line
(cum)
[sammi]
oh luke, you’re the man of the hour
just as tall as the twin towers!
it all comes crashin’ down!
it all comes crashin’ down!

[duet]
happy birthday, big smoke luke
here’s to the dubs, the vic-roys, the loot
keep the cigs burnin’, don’t start a fire
but if you do, president bill clinton signed executive order 13058 into office in 1997, that prohibits smoking in all interior sp-ces owned, rented, or leased by the federal government

[sammi]
happy birthday, big smoke luke!
(big)
happy birthday, big smoke luke!
(smoke)
happy birthday, big smoke luke!
(luke)
happy birthday, big smoke luke!

[quinn]
big smoke luke, yeah
yeah
yeah
big smoke
yeah yeah
i’m talkin’ big smoke luke
yeah
yeah, yeah, yeah
bi-
ah sh-t
hold up
pause the song
f-ck
‘kay
h-llo?

[operator]
h-llo
this is a collect call from ubl
this call may be recorded
for quality and training purposes
press 1 for english
press 2 for spanish
press 3 for

[jim]
hey luke miller
i hear you’re f-cking tall as sh-t
you’re 6 foot 6
and if you have another f-cking 6
that’s 666, triple hockey sticks
you’re going to h-ll

hey luke
you should stop smoking
because
you almost made lance sick in his car
dude
your dodge dart it’s a f-cking italian car
it has the same f-cking engine as a pro master
what is wrong with you
why can’t you drive a j-panese car instead
i know you have a volvo 240
bunch of j-panese people drive that
but it’s not a j-panese car
you’re too f-cking big to your car, man
so you’re not really cool at all

why are you late with your mail?
is it because of your dodge dart, can’t start at all
and needed to jump start your car again?
ohhh i hope your car doesnt start again
so you get fired from the usps!
oooo get owned by the ups
ha ha ha ha

what else should i say?

i don’t know why but your mom likes me
she wanted to marry me for some reason
your mom has a boyfriend as well
what’s up with that?
and your dad keeps on posting thirst traps on his instagram stories
boo
waaah i hate christmas

[max]
braddah mosa in the house
happy birthday luke, please don’t k!ll me
some third thing
ayo luke
it’s your birthday
november 9, 219 days past earth day
i love the earth
i love the planet
i love this place since it’s where your seed was planted

we like godzilla like a fat b-tch loves cake
we love transformers like a fat b-tch loves steak
we like godzilla like a fat b-tch loves cake
we love transformers like a fat b-tch loves steak

from the womb to the tomb
from my birth to my wake
i love you like a brother like finn loves jake
yahhhh

[anicka]
luke
luke
luke
luke
luke
luke
luke
luke
lukelukelukelukelukelukelukeluke
lulululululululululululululululululululu
llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

happy birthday to luke
big tobacco
big tobacco
big tobacco
big tobacco

wishing you a
happy birthday
full of big tobacco
and big tobacco

big tobacco
big tobacco
big tobacco
big tobacco
big tobacco’s specialist little guy

big tobacco
big tobacco
big tobacco
big tobacco

can i get a big tobacco
yippee!
big tobacco
big tobacco
happy birthday to luke
yay!!

[patrick]
hey luke

[luke]
sup pal, how’s it going?

[patrick]
thanks for the package you sent me
um
i appreciate it
wasn’t for me but i still appreciate it

[luke]
tell her her, uhh, she is very welcome ha-ha

[patrick]
uhh what was i doing again?

[luke]
but how did she know-

[patrick]
luke miller
westside k!ller
don’t play
gangsta moves will make you pay
from the streets to the top
he’s the boss
westside represent, never takin’ a loss
luke miller the west side k!ller
don’t play
gangsta moves will make you pay
from the streets to the top
he’s the boss
westside, represent
never takin’ a loss
raised in the hood
where the rules are tough
luke miller learned quick
ain’t no room for fluff
from the block to the penthouse suite
westside k!ller, he can’t be beat
luke miller
the westside k!ller
don’t play
gangsta moves will make you pay
from the streets to the top
he’s the boss
westside represent
never takin’ a loss
luke miller, the westside k!ller
don’t play
gangster moves will make you pay
from the streets to the top
he’s the boss
westside represent never takin’ a loss

[lance]
quinn and sammi just tickled my prostate
luke lydon makena miller turning 22
tf2 during divorce they be red and blue
dropped 13k on steam yeah he got the mean hips
femboy bangers on the screen yeah he got a p-n-s
smoking menthols in the dodge dart
lemon fishing yeah he mozart
ripping mean ass in the walmart
getting coleslaw ala carte

alright on a more serious note
hey man i know we joke a lot but we still love you
happy birthday luke
we hope it’s been a good 22-

sike we f-cking hate you b-tch!!

got micro-fever looking at kaipo and chris
(grah)
f-ck your government job check out my wrist
(ice)
you know i got mean paper you deliver it
(fweh)
man i’m g-y
even i can find the cl-toris
(ugh)
bought a b-tt plug, wanna see if it fits?
bumpa so wide i can fit my whole fist
called up diddy, he said you were on the list

when i blow this beat up, i’m a f-cking terrorist
what do you mean i can’t say that?
why can’t i say that?

f-ck you
f-ck your car
f-ck your job
you a f-cking b-tch
on god
die in h-ll pedophile

[alex]
thank you all for coming to luke miller’s funeral
it’s truly a shame that he died today right now, ten minutes ago
and it’s more of a shame that he died on his birthday today
it’s his birthday
happy birthday luke buddy

but folks, it can also be seen as god’s blessing
god has a plan for all of his children
and luke miller had a plan for all of the children he had met as well
he reminds me of me, a pastor

in luke chapter 11 verse 9, it reads
“so i say to you:
ask and it will be given to you;
seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you.”

not too long ago
right around luke’s passing
earlier today
i asked god, “will you please k!ll luke?”

now, i had asked, and i was given
i had knocked, and that door was opened
i seeked, and god sucketh

children of god
i would like to invite one of luke’s personal friends to speak now
please, join me now

[jacob]
sh-t
yeah so uh
i f-cking
looked at chatgpt
uhh
i’m not saying all that sh-t
uhhh
umm
f-ck luke miller
he’s too d-mn tall
he needs to be shorter
umm
he f-cked a 16 year old that one time
not letting him live that one down
uhhhh
he groomed lance or something
uhhh
he likes coleslaw
yeah that’s it
this is all your getting

[alex]
what-

[luke]
what’s up?

[alex]
holy f-ck
he’s alive
someone play a song!

[strawgod]
luke so s-xy, yeah he’s super s-xy

[quinn]
wait, my bad

[sophie]
lemon fish, yuh
lemon fish, yuh
lemon fish, yuh
lemon fish, yuh
eating hooker flesh
(yuh)
fallout cannibal perk
(yuh)
swats calling out
(yuh)
got him surrounded
(yuh)

poppin’ it on a trip
off that miller perc
oj is innocent
lemonfish to blame
drake bbl queefin’
lemonfish to blame
can’t stand lemonfish?
gotta kurt cobain

lemon fish, yuh
lemon fish, yuh
lemon fish, yuh
lemon fish, yuh

geekin’ off that b-tch
(yuh)
trigger finger itch
(yuh)
marlboro ice cream
weezer blue album
(yuh)
hawk tuah funniest meme
weezer green album
(yuh)
pineapple man cream
weezer pink album
(yuh)
mcdonald’s ice cream
weezer g-y album

kama sutra
f-cking mcchickens
p-n-s in mcchickens
eat out mcchickens
finger blast mcchickens
perform oral

for mcchickens
post coitus cuddle
for mcchickens
sleepy pillow talk
the mcchickens
cigarette after s-x for the mcchickens
lemon fish, yuh
lemon fish, yuh
lemon fish, yuh
lemon fish, yuh
lemon fish, yuh

[strawgod]
strawgod on the beat
you know i had to hop on this one
this song goes to my friend luke miller
he stay being s-xy
he stay being my bestie

luke miller gone from rags to riches
driving f-cked up cars and f-cking old ass b-tches
hey, that’s luke
take your b-tch expeditiously
knocked up on the first date
that’s first day delivery

luke and jim at ihop tryna make his car start
me and caleb at lance’s house i’m tryna dodge darts
caleb joseph catchin’ strays like the pound
catchin’ strays on my back when luke miller’s in town
hey luke
can you suck my p-n-s?
can you l!ck the tip and make sure that it’s the cleanist?
can you get my b-lls too they got some extra dirt on them?
squirt on them
hop off my d-ck had to plead the third on him
hey luke i heard your turning twenty two
heard you getting worried about your b-lls turning blue
don’t worry me and quinn have got you covered
you see i’ve got your back end
and quinns got the other

making bread at mcdonald’s
buns for big macs
we getting with the times
we working with big stacks
so hot so clean you’d think i was a dishwasher
deliver on time getting looks from wrist watchers
so luke you became a postman
deliverin’ on island you holding your post, man?
i mean every word i won’t edit in post, man
and i wrote every bar i don’t paste and post, man

start every bar like “hey luke miller”
are the rumors really true?
are you a westside k!ller?
is luke really s-xy?
is he bestie like the songs say?
luke’s a black rider and he’s positive he’s not g-y?

luke miller your playlist better have this song now
gonna have to drop it oiled up in a thong now
don’t know what song i’ll hop on next
but you know when i do i’ll get that hawk tuah respect
b-tton
it’s hawk tuah

[sammi]
hey bud, what floor are we going to today?

[caleb]
ah, penthouse, top floor

[sammi]
that’s awesome, i don’t think i’ve seen you around here, what’s your name friend?

[caleb]
my name is cj

[sammi]
it’s so nice to meet you cj!
do you have any fun hobbies?

[caleb]
i like to sip drank

[sammi]
that sounds really, really, fun my friend!
i know christmas is coming around soon
do you know what you’re gonna ask for from santa?

[caleb]
fish tank
coin bank
world bank
army tank

[sammi]
that sounds awesome bud!

[caleb]
yeah, yeah

[sammi]
did you do anything fun today, my friend?

[caleb]
let me be frank, i deposit the sperm bank
i let that b-tch stank he he ha ha ha ha

[sammi]
looks like this is your floor, champ
i’ll see you around, okay?

[caleb]
yeah, yeah, dank

this song was recorded live on a live farm with live animals

down by the creek where the sun sinks low
luke miller’s ridin’, lettin’ the wind blow
with a marlboro in hand, and a worn-out hat
he’s the kind of cowboy, never lookin’ back

tough as leather, and strong as steel
he don’t mind the cards he’s been dealt to feel
with smoke in the air, and dirt on his boots
luke’s a simple man, stayin’ true to his roots

luke miller, the marlboro man
livin’ free, rollin’ ‘cross this land
with wide open skies and a pack in his hand
he’s wild and free, that’s luke miller’s brand

ahh these d-mn pigs!!

no animals were harmed in the making of this song

he’s seen hard times but never backs down
walks through the fire, won’t let it burn him down
the smoke rolls heavy, but his heart stays light
under the stars, he’ll be ridin’ all night

oh sh-t!!

tough as leather, and strong as steel
he don’t mind the cards he’s been dealt to feel
with smoke in the air, and dirt on his boots
luke’s a simple man, stayin’ true to his roots

luke miller, the marlboro man
livin’ free, rollin’ ‘cross this land
with the wide open skies and a pack in his hand
he’s wild and free, that’s luke miller’s brand

yeee hawww!!!

[noah]
hey luke
happy birthday luke
it’s your birthday!
turning 22
you know what’s funny about 22?
it’s that you have 22 bones that make up your skull

another fun fact about the skull is um
the t–th are counted as
a skull bone
which is crazy because
my mouth is connected to my skull
that being said, happy birthday, man
and
wh-when i-
when i come back there
and i will
uhh
i’ll be sure to give you some skull bro
i’ll give some birthday skull
my treat
happy birthday!

[devin]
yo, it’s luke’s day, miller on the rise
lightin’ up them marlboros, smoke touchin’ the skies
big boss moves, yeah, he’s ridin’ real tough
twenty-four-seven, that grind’s never enough
got the crew by his side, we stay locked in the streets-

[caleb]
oh sh-t!!

[devin]
ice on his wrist, but flames in his soul
marlboro kingpin, stayin’ in control
ain’t no soft moves, always heavy on the grind
luke miller’s out here, takin’ what’s mine
with a ride so clean and a style so mean
cig smoke in the air, yeah, that’s the routine
from the block to the booth, it’s miller we toast
a legend in the game, man, luke do the most

happy birthday, luke, reppin’ gangsta with pride!
cause he’s g-y!! hee hee hee!!!

[caleb]
oh sh-t!!

[erik]
you have one new message from
ricky mills in the house

hey luke
i know you showed up to my party
but i don’t think i can come to yours
y’know, i’ve been real busy lately
f-ckin these hoes
yeah bro
i know you got none of those
i’ve made a hypothesis of why you have none
homeboy luke likes them kiddie buns

attention: luke miller is a pedophile
attention: luke miller is a pedophile
attention: luke miller is a pedo-

[marina]
your daddy didn’t raise you correctly
you’re a very bad boy

[erik]
happy birthday luke
your entire life is a fluke
why you hate on blacks?
they make great chicken

i don’t have anything for a chicken rhyme
why were you punchin’ the feds in the nuts as a kid?
i know you were curious but maybe ask next time
and why did you and tristan jump on my f-ckin’ arms?
i was only but a wee baby at the time

you are a sick and twisted individual

[quammi]
erik miller’s views and opinions expressed in his message do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of quammi records

[erik]
happy birthday luke

[keoni]
happy birthday luke, it’s about time you called your mother

[marina]
happy birthday luke, don’t crash your mail truck

[tristan]
happy birthday luke
i am tristan
i love overwatch
yelling at my friends
and saying slurs
my name is tristan

[riley]
happy birthday luke. you’re fat

[luke]
hey guys
hextric games here
i saw some people doing a trend where they record themselves
and then they’d say they’d watch in ten years
so it’s currently 2014 which means that in 2024
i’ll be watching this
hey future hextric games
i’m sure we’re at like
2 million subs
so
whats up subs!
hope i’m a mailman in ten years
that’d be so cool
epic
sauce
i also hope i get to meet really cool people
who like to make music for me
on special occasions
like my birthday!

hope future me gets a really cool white car
that doesn’t work at all
heh
also hope i’m part of a cuckold situation
but y’know i’m not a cuck
y’know what i’m saying?
that’d be so cool
heh
so dope
alright, well, i gotta get off now
so this is uh
hextric games signing off!
hawk tuah!

- quammi

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