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letra de parents - penny

i picked up the dad word from an opaque coffee mug
that i found in my mother’s decorated drawer
-we can roleplay-
xeroxing “i love you”s from our old greeting cards to paste at the end of letters we write to equate the trade and escape the pressed lip blame
i keep my fingers toward the ground
but i know your eyes won’t hug mine the way your arms hug the half-sisters
and it seems we should ease off our plastic triggers before
the hand sweat makes the hold impossible

i picked up the dad word from the finger-paintings we used to do in cl-ss
-each june:-
color-coding every disconnected year according to the smile-forming probablies
we can script-read
choosing the proper face plates and putting on our best phone voices during out monthly chats for fear of having the breath pace overheard
i flew through a storm once to meet you-
broke through the cloud where our penciled-in plural danced for the second
and with a foot’s slip, i fell into your eyes:
alwaysonly a part of you while you stood at the end of some numberless ruler, holding your new family’s hand, forming the wall that would greet me…

i was born 30 years too late for the package deal on parents
the clock’s walk brought weaker limbs
i was born 30 years too late for the package deal on parents
but i’ve created the other half to help me branch from
i was born 30 years too late for the package deal on parents
i don’t mind the other room so much anymore
but couldn’t resist finally working the empty octave that crawled through
and i offered it to you as my gift:
the cut-along-the-lips drawer breaker-
voice-painted before another summer folds over
filling your coffee mug to the brim with the ink they’d misfingered with…
of course
one of us
had to let it slip

- penny

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