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letra de nawlins - pat reed

every crazy thing you ever heard about new orleans is 100% real and true
and out of pocket
a lot of people think it’s all good in the big easy
but let me tell you what might happen to you
it’s out of pocket

first things first
it’s a real high cholesterol city
you’re going to be bloated by the time you leave up out of that b-tch
most of y’all don’t know, that’s where dj khaled is originally from
god did!
and emeril lagasse! bam!
oh, you forgot about him?
po’ boys with shrimp falling out the bottom ’em
2 bucks a pop, you could buy about a thousand of ’em
but you gone pay for it later in life
snowball from a stand, they put syrup on ice
zatarain’s by the box, they еven flavor their rice
raw oystеr if you wanna set the mood with your wife
even master p selling snacks for a reasonable price
they got
beignets bigger than shannon sharpe’s tie knot
and 22 different types andouille sausages
put ’em all in a gumbo and turn it down to a simmer
i know you seen the waterboy eat anaconda for dinner
they even got these
drive-thru places
where you’re sipping 72 ounce gullet-washers of liquor
bigger than any 7/11 slurpee you know
drinking and driving ain’t illegal if you get it to-go
down in new orleans
the liquor is quicker
and all the black women complected like cream of wheat
you got to stay inside the bar if you trying to defeat the heat
and all the men look like debarge, singing that r&b

out on bourbon street drinking’s at the center of it all
that’s where city’s real characters stay
most the white folks are dressed up like extras
in off-broadway pirates of the caribbean plays

i’m talking jack sparrow-looking-white-men
fake french aristocratic people really from ontario
i think nic cage even had a mansion there
oh never mind, i’m thinking national treasure

f-ck around and have the worst night of your life
at a place called zachary’s daiquiris
everybody sweating out their drinks just as fast they sip ’em
trying to forget it’s 100% humidity
you can smell the boat shoes on the man standing next at the bar
he’s walked miles in those shoes, and that’s miles too far
he’s been slipping on the sticky tile floors, that’s not what they’re for
he’s betting everything on lsu to win it by 4, and if they don’t
then i’ll be d-mned
you may never make it out of this bar
everyone gonna wanna start a fight
say i won’t!
and if you’re still there, then your ass is grass

people playing tubas in the street and cracking heads off crawdads
scr-ppy white people sipping claws and tall dads
little drummer boy walking through smoking a blunt
out on bourbon street, people do whatever they want
so be careful

and when you go
don’t f-ck around with that witchcraft
that voodoo, that hoodoo, that sh-t gets real if you do believe
have a drink
don’t try nothing new, dude
just try to see you some titties with beads, and then leave

you got to keep it real simple in a city like that, cuz if you don’t
you might end up in some trouble
fist fighting cajuns who came in for the weekend
you don’t wanna live that life
trust me
blackout drunk, getting jumped by white boys who rode the train into town for the day
they’re putting you in chokes and submissions only pros should do
cuz they’re obsessed with dustin diamond poirier
and daniel cormier’s just watching, saying get up, champ!
nah, these cajuns down here is crazy!
all of a sudden it’s 2am and now you’re throwing up, puking
the king cake, gumbo rice and gravy

i told you from the jump, new orleans is known to get out of hand
so fly home and kiss the ground when you land
it’s out of pocket
if you don’t want to believe, the city’s under the sea
you might slip and break your neck on some abandoned titty beads

- pat reed

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