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letra de dog people - pat reed

people who don’t care about people are the biggest dog people
and i don’t care if you got a bone to pick with me after i’m done with this one
cuz you all know who you are
and i’m sick of living scared
that you people think i’m a dog hater
when i’m really a y’all hater

why do y’all keep saying it’s wrong to bring a baby into this world
just because they might feel the effects of the climate changing?
you sitting up here lying to people’s faces like you care about global warming
but you got the nerve to ship an alaskan malamute to atlanta, georgia
where it’s hot, hot as the d-ckens in this b-tch
the air thick as the amazon rainforest down here, man, it’s hot!
dog thinking, god, why, oh, why me?
they’re trying to teach a dog manners in mandarin chinese
but you refuse to have kids cuz you think they might face social inequities
you got a bilingual dog, most would consider that privileged
ask yourself, really, how you look tiger mom-ing a dog?
telling him he gotta go to college if he wants a really good job
b-tch, he wants a bone he can slob
you spend too much on your dog
you treating him like a real person, all that sh-t needs to stop
expenses over the top
a dog don’t need guitar lessons
if you don’t find a way to pay that credit card’s gonna pop

and that’s why we got to see your dog all over the social media
you got to monetize his ass to stay afloat
trying to make him go viral by partnering with chewy brands
to see if that would offset the cost of his upcoming elective surgery
look, your dog is inbred and suffers from congenital illness
quite the contrary to the price you paid, i know
you bought a ferrari house dog, the maintenance cost is crazy
so why are you afraid to f-ck and possibly have a human baby?
just save some money and f-ck and raise you a real human baby
i know you’re running out of stuff to buy online for a dog, baby
without him, life is ruff
but sh-t, at least, you got some savings
you looking at me like i’m nuts
i’m looking at you like y’all crazy!
truthfully, i wouldn’t be pressed if it didn’t follow me to work
but you dog people even found a way to make that sh-t worse
can’t even bring in reese’s pieces for my peanut b-tter fix
but they can bring a bernedoodle beagle coogle poogle quarter mix?
so we can’t have tree nuts, or corporate will be p-ssed?
but they can bring in border labradors from the bugle doodle orphanage?
nah, that don’t seem right, i’ma call the labor board and snitch
ayo aspca, where sarah mclachlan at?
these people putting their dogs to work, you can’t be down with that!
they make ’em do their business in the apartment using a potty mat
when they dress ’em up in ridiculous costumes, can’t we make ’em do some time for that?
i even talked to one of the dogs and he said, pat, i’m trapped!

i’m in a 600 foot apartment
they got ac, but not much else
and i can only speak mandarin
n0body hears my cries for help!

- pat reed

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