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letra de shrimp - november day

my roommate helped me fix the bracelet i bought when i was with you that we couldn’t get to fit because the latch on it was weak and it was too loose but this time it wouldn’t fall so i put together an outfit with colors that i thought you might like and even thought it cut my wrist to wear and the plastic was too tight, i put the bracelet on my arm, got in my car and drove straight to chicago
even though i had a concert to attend and friends to visit you had all of my attention, the whole time i drove i was weeping. and when i got to the hotel my chest was tight and i could scream but still i messaged you to tell you i was in the city and you told me not to lose my parking spot trying to see you. in that moment i could’ve aged all at once and become dust to be cleaned up by the hotel caretakers but i pushed my hand further and you told me to meet you at the coffee shop you work at and my chest was still tight and i screamed on the way to see you and when i saw you my eyes almost turned into melt and you hugged me and we left for the thrift store

an hour or so later we found ourselves in your apartment after i’d met your roommates, alone in your bedroom. and i peeked through your vinyls, and the conversation was sweet. and then it became quiet and i asked you to close the door and i told you this was the last time i ever intended to see you. and it was the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do. you eclipse me in a way that is not quantifiable and impossible to replicate. i told you such things. and you understood me. i have spent the better half of my life in a state of hibernation , layers deep in my own skin, but in that moment you saw me and my consciousness was spread across my skin and i remembered once more what it felt like to be alive. in an effort to extend the time before i had to leave for the jane remover concert i offered to show you a music video i’d made and you jumped at the idea so we sat criss cross on the floor and i played it for you and you liked it and then we sat there and i asked if i could kiss you on the cheek and you told me i could and held your face out but in that moment i felt such fear that you were only indulging my insecurities that i felt disgusting so i told you nevermind and then you insisted and i told you i couldn’t do it and then you tackled me onto the floor and laid beneath me and i could feel all of my anguish evaporate out of my pores and my breath became a fluid and the sp-ce between your shoulder and your ear became my home. i will never forget when you moved your hands further up my back and pressed harder on me and i felt so alive and i kissed your neck and you let me. and by the time we got up i was already late for the jane show. i gave you a cassette of all the songs i made for you and you gave me your old record player and i had to walk away from your bedroom and i had to put my coat on and i had to put my boots back on and i had to take a look around one last time before i lost vision of a world persuaded by your hand. and we walked down the stairs of your building and i kissed you so fast you barely had time to react, and i walked away

- november day

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