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letra de dead gods - nekroí theoí

i am deep in the valley
i am covered in the shadow
i am wallowing in the death
and i reach out for you
i cry out for you
and i hear a voice inside my head
that sounds like me

and i try to reconcile
rationalize with apologetics
in battle against my better judgment
spinning the wheels of my theology
to deflect the answers of questions
i’m too afraid to ask

what am i to do with this?
such a cognitive dissonance
if the truth is really what i seek
then why is this so threatening?

my savior so real and powerful
reduced to a name in a gallery
my god so mighty and tall
was it ever even you at all?

my rock
falling apart
without you
what is my truth?

i have been striving so long to emulate your spirit
why has my greatest moral conviction come in the form of denying you?
the damage i have wrought i cannot erase
but if i seek to move forward in any sort of truth
i cannot move with you

this is where i must decide
do i pursue what is holy?
or do i fight for what is just

here in the terror of awareness
i see the true direction of the path i claim to walk
the destination now clouded in the most lucid of fog
i squint my eyes to try and make out your shape
i’m searching for any remnants of you
tracing shadows in my mind’s eye
losing your silhouette with every detail made clear around me
i thought that it was you who found me in the dark
but now as i fumble through that same darkness
i feel the cracks in the land
but i cannot find your hand

i know where this goes
i have always known
my perpetual fear
now inescapable as i turn my mind south of what is sacred

every point i obfuscated now cornering me against a painfully concrete wall
i would reject the upper hand if i could
but i can’t escape the truth

since i could form words
the only words i knew to form were in exaltation of my gods
gods of capital, gods of patriots, gods of the status quo
i saw their flags as the shroud of turin
i embedded them within my skin
i knew that voice in my head was you
i knew the bones in the mountains were proof
i’m crying out to you louder than ever before
god please speak to me
i am left with an echo and a moment to process
this is it
this is it
this is it

to step forward is to step alone
the return is denial
there is no compromise
here
now
my gods die

- nekroi theoi

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