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letra de re-quieted - mia stegner

conflicting goals and desires
i wanna start fires, but i only feel ice
will it only be me who pays a price
if you decide that you regret being nice

please don’t let me end each conversation
with i’d better let you go (i’d better let you go)
was i wrong to work so hard to brush it off
each time you told me no? (you told me no, you told me)
i work to maintain, i minimize pain, i wanna be easy to choose
it wasn’t a game, but somehow i trusted you not to let me lose
’cause i told you “please tell me if i ever push”
you promised, you said you didn’t want me to shush
you’ve clearly forgotten if you thought i’d take a hint
all the best and worst parts of my year carry your fingerprints

conflicting goals and desires
i wanna start fires, but i only feel ice
will it only be me who pays a price
if you decide that you regret being nice

when you left me there to tend a tiny thing we planted side by side
i wished my thumb was green, it never was, and you knew that it was not
so i wish you’d told me sooner that you wanted me to let it die
instead of slinking out of earshot, and thinking out of earshot
i overindulge, i overreact, i overthink everything, over-redact
i wish you’d left sooner, i wish you’d come back, will it never be safe, to trust or unpack?
when do i try again? how long do i wait?
what do i do with the godd-mn garden gate?
when do i try again? how long do i wait?
what do i do with the godd-mn garden gate?
when do i try again? how long do i wait?
what do i do with the godd-mn garden gate?
when do i try again? how long do i wait?
if you come back will it be too late?
(i know that i’m not hard to choose
and i won’t be easy to lose)

will it ever be requited? will it ever be my turn?
everything knowing you quieted suddenly tries to return
will it ever be re-quieted? what the h-ll am i supposed to learn?
everything knowing you quieted, suddenly tries to return
there’s nothing more i can do, to make myself easy to choose
but know i can’t help but refuse, to make myself easy to lose

so i will leave you be
but i won’t close the door behind me

- mia stegner

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