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letra de solace - melanin 9

[verse 1]
all the hope she had was in her purse
half spanish grandma used to drag us to the church
i had a small anaemic frame behind a m-ssive shirt
bagging dirt swiping off the ashes off of matthews verse
staring at the tabernacle with a p-ssive hurt
held my cousins pain from the cancer wish i had it first
studying through books trying to heal his chakra earth
held him for 7 years and cried when they dragged his he-rs-
facing a couple years for bagging with a strap to burst
lying to my nan about my grades starting wrapping work
wanted to leave though l-sting kicks and tops from moschino f-cking guyanese hoes hard-headed breed from the scars i conceived
never knew my mum heard her pops was part creole
kind of felt deceived though learnt the hard realities of life
getting boxed up by my older brother taught me how to fight
faded pictures in my navy suede kickers with the stripes
swinging arms with eight n-gg-s on estate (?)
scribbling signs on ice packaged on blueberry plastics
i’m back with bad grades when ms nash placed the asterisk
for bad kids. my cousin’s dad was driven off insane
around the same time ky caught a bullet from jermaine

[chorus]
what do you believe in heaven or h-ll?
we don’t believe in heaven ‘cos we’re living in h-ll
we don’t believe in heaven ‘cos we’re living in h-ll
we don’t believe in heaven ‘cos we’re living in h-ll
what do you believe in heaven or h-ll?
we don’t believe in heaven ‘cos we’re living in h-ll
we don’t believe in heaven ‘cos we’re flipping on h-ll
we don’t believe in heaven ‘cos we’re living in

[verse 2]
born in this rage of aggression, with your grandmamas eyes
watching your daddy’s affliction, between the facets of life weaved from the fabric of lessons, being programmed to lie
built-up my p-ssive aggression, i be fighting and stressing
the conflicted depressing, tryna raise you like an empress
with a pivotal preference and use wisdom from the walls read from inner perceptions, disposition from a force-fed
submissive acceptance. thoughts of knowing that you
cried to sleep leaves me depressed and i’m sorry for the drama
for the all the sh-t i did i guess the separation’s karma
hoping you’d never catch my trace of my ego aided sagas
or inherit hate this world paints for baby fathers
you’re ageing faster certain things that you can sense
from keys jingle in the hallways coming home you grab my leg
i kiss your head you talk of missing me and wish i never left
as a universe, i stare at my existence in the flesh

- melanin 9

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