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letra de family swan - mecca normal

golden-eyed pigeons fly in pairs
grey squeaklings
linking sp-ce

“swans mate for life,”
the old git on the news turns to the camera
for the last word
“life”

even the wizened are media-savvy
swan families sticking their beaks
mounted on long thin necks
into other family members’ business
the sickness of one means the rest
won’t go to fill their
swan-bellies

no they’ll stick together
floating around until the poison k!lls
that bullet was outlawed years ago
lead sh-ll-casings litter the area

the damaging quotient can’t be picked up
can’t be totally removed
with even the best of the finest-toothed combs

he was a family-swan
dead
bit the bullet
heavy head hanging on a long limp neck

“it’s hard on your mother
it’s hard on your mother, you know.”
in my head i say
(yes, you are hard on my mother)

he wants to shout out, “you’re k!lling your mother! you’re k!lling your mother again!”
family-man tried to down a bottle of pills. family-mother had to get farm-woman from next-door to come and get the pills out of his mouth. flipping him over, cursing, like pulling on the fringe of a rug, caught in the vacuum cleaner
his lips tightened over dissolving pills — white, cream, blue pills –tiny logos carved into them; tiny logos carved in the dissolving pills
“are you trying to k!ll your mother?”
that was his crazy cry when at twelve, i got caught playing nicky-knocky-nine-doors. seemed absurd
mother passed us in the hall heading for her hot bath. for the first time i noticed, and wondered why a woman’s ass is wider than a man’s

foolishly i’d asked, “how did mom get cancer?”
turned out i was to blame. the answer:
“having a child later in life and not breast feeding caused the cancer.”

oh, bitter pill. bullet with a name on it. a tiny message carved into it; a tiny message carved in my dissolving heart
i think i’ll go to my room now and set a spell
please pass the smelling salts

when i moved
away from their madness
family-mother put on her tweed going-to-the-doctor suit
and came to my little attic apartment

she didn’t say h-llo to my boyfriend
sitting on the edge of my bed
she was there to inform me
that i would have to move home
my leaving had affected her sleep

oh, now she’s eighty, she has terrible nightmares
i prompt her to reveal them and
i learn that she’s integrating me
into the disasters she sees on tv
family-man tells me a million terrible things
all at once one after another
my stature decreases
i become short and ugly again

oh, my voice is hollow small
i can’t do anything right
i am worthless
hanging on
to blame

my thinking forms awkward words
to be twisted and thrown back
in my tiny 41-year-old face
family-man sets me straight

“your mother is going to live another twenty years
she’s going to live to 100.”
family-man rants, family-man gets confused
“she’s going to live another 100 years.”

oh, i wish he’d make up his mind
i wish he’d make up his mind
either i’m k!lling her
or she’s never going to die

family-man tells me a million terrible things
all at once one after another
family-man sets me straight

- mecca normal

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