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letra de michael's skint - kunt and the gang

d.i. radgitt: geed on by craig’s lack of faith in her, karen
set about thinking of a plan to make herself rich and famous. shewent round to see craig’s uncle, michael donovan. as a kid michael went to a special school. now he were approaching forty, he lived on his own and were always glad of visitors to help fill the void left by his two bairns getting taken into care

karen: michael!

michael: (muted from inside) hold on a minute, i’m having a number two

karen: michael, you sp-cker. it’s me, karen

michael: (pause) ok, i won’t be long, i’ve nipped it off and i’m wiping now

karen: just wipe it to beige, let me in and then you can go back and finish off

michael: aye, good idea. (pause) result! (shouts like a kid) fi-nished! i’m on me way down now. it were a ghost poo. sorry ‘bout that, karen. i always do me big jobs straight after jeremy kyle’s finished. i can’t stand the wright stuff so there’s a ten-minute plopping window right before trisha starts. i’ve got it timed to poo-fection, normally i’m on me final wipe just as i hear the theme tune start

karen: what can i say, michael? you’re a man of many talents

michael: so what brings you round here then?

karen: nowt really, just popped round to see how you were

michael: aye, i’m bearing up. i’m always glad of visitors to fill the void left by me two daughters getting taken into care

karen: how are you fixed at moment?

michael: i’m skint. i’ve had to p-wn me dvd player and the
police academy 1 to 7 box set just to get me through till the end of the week
karen: f-ckin h-ll, times are hard

michael: aye tell me about it, if i miss it too much, i’ve always got the theme tune as a ringtone. not that anyone ever calls me up. jesus i’m skint, i smoked all me tabs, then got desperate and rolled up the b-tts. then got desperate and rolled up the b-tts of the roll ups with some lawn clippings

karen: well, so do you fancy earning yourself a few quid then?

michael: aye, but i’ve got nothing left to p-wn

karen: well, how about a bit of childminding?

michael: childminding? sounds great. i’m always trying to fill the void left by me two daughters getting taken into care. trouble is i’m on anti-depressants and me place is a tip. social services would never let us look after a kid here

karen: f-ck them, what do they f-ckin’ know? bunch of posh c-nts going round telling people how to look after their kids
you’re a good bloke, michael. i trust you

michael: ah, thanks, karen. what kind of money are we talking? a couple of quid an hour would be magic…

karen: f-ck that. how does a half share of fifty grand sound?

michael: what are you going on about? what kind of childminding job pays half of fifty grand?

- kunt and the gang

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