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letra de don’t stop me - act ii: scene 2: fourth break - krista knight, dave malloy

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mo:
you either get the prize or you die! simple enough equation

samson:
mo!

mo:
what? they’re either gonna win or they’re gonna die!! win or die. win or die!

jaynie:
mo - the dj!

mo:
what?

samson:
x-nay on the putting everything so bluntly

mo:
win or die!

jaynie:
mo

mo:
win or die!

samson:
mo

mo:
only one couple is going to walk out of here alive

jaynie:
mo watch out!

(the dj is upon them.)

commentators:
no no no no no!

(the three commentators cover their ears as though they’re hearing the most excruciating music.)

samson:
is he allowed to do that?

jaynie:
he’s a demonic dj mcsecretly satan. do you think he cares?

samson:
what’s the handbook say?

mo (re: handbook):
looks like as commentators we’re allowed to wear special hats. but nothing about being immune from torture

harper:
who’s ahead?

roger:
why do you feel the need to ask that every 5 seconds?

harper:
it gives me motivation –

janelle:
yeah it gives her motivation

harper:
yeah how is this hurting –

janelle:
it’s not

harper:
how is that having any effect on –

janelle:
none

harper:
what’s the problem?

roger:
well, you know, people are dying, so—maybe your priorities are out of whack

harper:
who are you?

roger:
how do you not know my name? i’m the year ahead of you. i’m captain of the crew team. i’m the president of…everything! my name is roger!

harper:
whose priorities are out of whack now?

janelle:
no one has died died? have they? died dead?

(harper goes to the commentators)

harper:
who’s ahead – who is it?

jaynie:
still you

harper:
and we’re still live?

mo (looking through the handbook):
incredibly. given the amount of bandwidth this gym alone must be monopolizing —

(harper approaches a webcam, interrupts mo.)

harper:
wow. thank you. wow. still. this is a big, sustained surprise for the underdog to be able to hold onto the top spot for this long. harper perkins. for the win. humble curtsy humble curtsy. spare my life. please. signature sign-off!! exit the podium

janelle:
harper?

harper:
yeah

janelle:
are you going to exit the podium?

harper:
oh. yeah
(she exits the podium)
(beat.)

janelle:
are you mad?

harper:
who’s winning now? hey – hey!

mo (cowering):
i don’t want to say because i’m afraid you’ll come back up here

tye:
i think everybody is losing their minds a little bit

grace:
at least we have each other

tye:
right. and the prize

grace:
right. what’s the prize going to be for you if we win?

tye:
what’s it going to be for you?

grace:
that we get an apartment together next year

tye:
i don’t want to live with anyone until i’m 30

grace:
this is my prize – you can choose your own

tye:
how can i choose my own if yours involves me and the only way i win a prize is if we win the prize which means both prizes would have to be happening

grace:
what? why wouldn’t my prize involve you? of course my prize involves you

tye:
can you please just pick something that’s not us living together i told you i don’t want to live with anyone

grace:
do you want me to pretend right now you don’t already?

tye:
i have to, i don’t have anywhere to go!

grace:
it’s ok though! you don’t have to go anywhere – why can’t you just believe me when i say i’m not going to change my mind

tye:
i don’t have anywhere to go –

grace:
i know but –

tye:
i don’t have anywhere to go –

grace:
ok but –

tye:
i don’t have anywhere to go!

grace:
sorry. i’m sorry! ok: i’m sorry. i love you no matter what

tye:
stop promising that – it’s not romantic if it’s not possible!

- krista knight dave malloy

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