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letra de summer (context) - killvongard

summer is for finding love
for being rejected
for feeling ugly at theme parks
for being afraid to take your shirt off at the pool
during summer camp when you’re 7 and when you’re 17
but you get drunk enough not to care
but so drunk that you stay in the pool so long that you wake up with second degree burns on your shoulders the next morning
and when your mom takes you to the doctor you still get embarrassed when the nurse weighs you
and when you’re a little boy you would ask your mom to ask the nurse if she could not wеigh you
because then thе doctor would see that you gained 20 pounds since your last visit
and tell you and mom that you have to lose weight

so after trying to eat healthy for a week
you would complain until you got the happy meal that you wanted
and the weight would never leave
and you wouldn’t think anything of it because you’re a good kid
and a good friend
and a fun friend
a funny friend

and your friends forget that you’re fat until you get into an argument because your friend tricked you into giving them your holographic bulbasaur
then you’re fat again
that and only that
and you remember you’ve been fat the entire time
and you wonder if they didn’t remember until that argument
or if it’s been in the back of their mind the whole time
but then you make up and forget about being fat
because all that matters is that you’re a good friend
and what you look like doesn’t make you
until you’re at the carnival with your parents
and your mom wants to take a picture of you
because your mom thinks you’re adorable
and she gets you to smile for the camera
and as she snaps the photo
you see two skinny, normal, better boys, with their disposable cameras smirking
and taking a photo of you
holding up your frozen banana
and they laugh
and walk towards the ride that you were walking to

now your face is more red than the sun made it
and you don’t tell your mom because you fear she will find the boy’s parents and make a scene
because she cares about you
then even more people will notice you
not only will they notice you
they will notice that: those children are mean… but they have a point
and your mom will tell you it’s okay
that she loves you
and not to let it bother you
it doesn’t matter

but later outside the bathroom when we’re putting on sunscreen
she’ll see a fat woman wearing small shorts and a tight shirt
and she will be visually disgusted
and will turn to your stepfather who is also appalled at the sight
and when the woman walks away your mom will say “why would she wear those shorts? why would she wear those shorts?”
and the woman will never know what the mom said
and i’m glad for that
but i’m sad
because her fear of being noticed was real

- killvongard

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