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letra de recurring (i) - kali masi

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rest in the way that you find grace
like candles in the wind- we’ll fade
we’re fain to light the way with our mistakes
but rest in the way that you find grace

arrested at age 14
stupid drunk and out too late
i said ‘i’ll go’
mom said ‘wait’

love is not the way to keep someone captive
friendship’s not a collar leashing mercy to a master
but in the turn of the page
in the drag of a cigarette
in the hum of the planes
you find grace

what hasn’t been done
what hasn’t been said
my tongue’s caught in a hesitant safety nеt
in the back of my head
i hear quartеts of dread singing hymns of the guilt choir

in the waltz of my days
i danced through false shortcuts
the tinctures cut with lavender
i was aced by a king that couldn’t call a spade what it is
and in the deep of my sleep
the pine trees are like saw t–th
tearing up the love letter penned from setting sun to starless night

i had that dream again
where i can’t get up and you can’t get in
and the flames all start to lap at the corners of my bed
the imminent collapse
your laugh
the nightmares that our actions project

what can’t be undone
what can’t be unsaid
my tongues caught in a hesitant safety net
and in the back of my head  the truth is written in a shorthand that i can’t read yet

was i a chambermaid for shame?
made to clean the wax off from your wane?
a sinking city set ablaze, i was bombed by thinking part of you could change
i’ll never fade
the way that i felt then is still the way i feel today
it’s still the same
the same old song i sing, i’ll sing it to the grave

and when i die
they’ll burn my bones to ash and they’ll sing amazing grace
and when you die
they’ll bury you with all that money that you saved
and hold their noses pouring concrete on your grave
i’m not ashamed to live and i’m not afraid to die
that song i sing will harmonize:
the world of which we were born into is not the one we’ll leave behind

rest in the way that you find grace

—

in the lucent light of morning we sit quiet in your car
i draw your lifeline on a napkin, tell me when i’ve gone too far

we can’t expect to change the things we’re too afraid to face
if all i say is ‘sorry’ and all that you can say is ‘thanks’

i never meant to hurt the one that chain-stitched both our names
my red initials swooping gracefully across your green

pain is ever-present, that’s the hand that we’re all dealt
but in each moment recurring there is meaning in what’s felt

- kali masi

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