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letra de down by the riverside - ivor biggun

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i had a large explosive sh-t
down by the riverside
it spread both far and wide
it filled my heart with pride
i sh-t ’til my a-se’ole split
down by the riverside
the fish and the tadpoles died

and i ain’t a-gonna swim in there no more
ain’t a-gonna swim in there no more
’cause it don’t smell the way it did before
it smells like a badger’s b-m
it smells just like birmingham
or maybe an egyptian sh-t-house door

i wiped my a-se with leaves and gr-ss
down by the riverside
up ‘n’ down and side to side
all along the great divide
the effluent set like cement
and though i tried and tried
my r-ctum could not be rectified

and i ain’t a-gonna swim in there no more
naked women there no more
and it don’t smell the way it smelt before
it smells like a badger’s b-m
it smells just like rotherham
or maybe an egyptian sh-t-house door

i fed my t-rds to aquatic birds
down by the riverside
they could not quite decide
if they were cyanide
the ducks went quack and flung ’em back
and ‘though i tried to hide
i ended up t-rdified

i ain’t a-gonna swim in there no more
it’s up to the brim in there i’m sure
and it don’t smell the way it smelt before
it smells like a badger’s b-m
it smells just like wimbledon
or maybe an egyptian sh-t-house door

my m-ssive dump made one big clump
down by the riverside
it drifted with the tide
“ahoy!” a sailor cried
“would that be sh-te or the isle of wight
i see on my port side?”
down by the riverside

and we ain’t a-gonna swim in there no more
by that sh-tty shingle sh-r-
’cause it don’t smell the way it did before
it smells like a badger’s b-m
it smells just like birmingham
or maybe an egyptian sh-t-house door
and so does the reservoir… phwoooar!

- ivor biggun

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